Sick in my stomach

I feel very bitter and sick in the pit of my stomach and there are so many reasons for this malevolence.

So, what is occupying my mind this much?

1) Imagine you dislike someone immensely and this person wronged you in the past. Imagine the reason you fell out with this person is that someone told them that you said so and so about them. Imagine that you've never met but both sides despise one another. And imagine that this person is both bitchy and very hostile by nature. Now imagine that one day you stumble upon information and photos of this person and they are hotter than you. Way too hot for an average person. Wouldn't you feel just awful? Wouldn't you get jealous? Doesn't matter how hot you think you may have looked in the past, all that confidence is now flushed down the toilet. Don't judge me because you'd feel the exact same way were you in my shoes.

2) Imagine you discover a juicy piece of 'true' gossip about a colleague you dislike but can't use it at all since this 'nasty' colleague knows enough 'juicy' stuff about you to taint your public image for life.

3) Imagine your sworn enemy has what you've always wished for. Now wouldn't that just give you stabbing sharp pains in your heart?

4) Imagine looking at your future and seeing a huge Question mark.

All these added should make anyone feel like throwing up their lunch instantly. Yet, about 10% of me, if not more, knows and believes that no matter what happens, I will be alright and all issues with resolve naturally. I guess this is what's keeping me afloat.

Corrie Ten Boom said about Faith:

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog -- the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.

Regardless of the methods, I choose to obey my Lord, I have lately become more spiritual, spending time in solitude, contemplating the events surrounding me, connecting, believing, and becoming hopeful in a better, brighter future. I believe, therefore I am and this belief is giving me inner satisfaction at times. I do feel HIS love surrounding me whether I am happy or sad and I know he loves me as I love him.

And I refer to Sebastian's Caribbean Jamboree when they say in a reggae tone: Every little thing is gonna be alright!

Believe and you shall see and reap the reward

Till we meet again,

Sedeso