Melancholy feelings

Blue Beautiful choices:___________________________

Did I jinx myself or what?

Just yesterday I was delighted about Sou's comment.

And today, I remembered him. I remembered the good times. I remembered when things were just perfect; when I was crying out of sheer happiness not believing the pot of gold I found at the end of the rainbow.

When it was good, it was really really good. Sleepless in Seattle? You've got mail? Pretty woman? None of those but my story.

I used to wonder whether it was 2 good to be true.

A part of me wonders, had I played by the rules, would we have lived happily ever after? Or was this picture of perfectness a passing blessing in disguise, because God wanted me to learn the lessons of life the hard way.

God, I know you wanted me to learn, to grow and mature, but couldn't he have been a bit less perfect so that it would've been easier for me to get over him?[insert FFWD: April 2010: You are still not completely over him Child, bless your loving soul]

I love him because she showed me that I am worth much much more.

I loved him because he made me feel like a princess.

I loved him because he helped me become a better person.

& I loved him because with one exception only, he was everything I ever wanted in a partner.

and the scary thing is that I still see him everywhere.

I see him everytime I go to the gym. I see him during every workout and remember how he pushed me to be fit. I see him everytime I order french fries and remember how he pushed the plate away from me. I see him everywhere and in everything, constantly (how can this be? how can a 2 month relationship take me so long to get over)

but I also hate him for not loving me back for who I was, not accepting me with my flaws and trying to change me into a barbie perfect obedient partner.

Am I contradicting myself? (sigh), I don't know anymore. I can only hope that my future is brighter than the past.

Universe, find me my lobster please. I leave you with another lobster couple. Frieda and her beau.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

"Quote" i remember you saying, "I just don't wanna believe that this was all the happiness that God had in store for me." At sixteen, i didn't understand the full extent of that phrase . I forgot she was your favorite person, best friend, and the love of your life . I forgot that you guys had a past before me and D, i forgot you made plans, I forgot that the good always outweighed any bad with you two . Trying to see where your life would go from that sunny day in September . . . was impossible for you . seeing happiness past that Huntington moment was impossible . To lose the love of your life so quickly is worse than taking a bullet ... the wound doesn't heal . "Unquote"