Happy E holidays everyone

Happy Eid. Or as Bilal would put it: Kuli sanah wintu 6ayebeen. (He picked it up whilst working in Egypt)

In my text message, I asked everyone for a gift: either a bussiness class ticket or a nose job. Lol.

So I went and wished my uncle's wife a happy celebration and kissed their son. My uncle sure was happy. He seemed proud. I don't know what made me initiate contact with someone who was annoying me. I know we shouldn't boycott anyone according to religion for more than 3 days and the initiator is always the bigger and better one. I initiated the well wishes and felt tearful slightly. Why? Was it guilt for my unbashful rude behaviour? Me not know.

Ukh, my pockets have holes and my spending needs to be controlled otherwise how will I splurge at the sales.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

The right career?

Luxury Gifts:________________________________

Hallelujah,

Seems like I impressed the CEO with my French skills.

He told my current boss to put me on one of those huge projects.

And I am so interested and excited.

And this happened right after my therapy session.

Could this be it?

Could my future path be carved by the media section?

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Today, my fashion inspo is a vintage quilted Chanel.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Dilemma en mi trabajo

Furniture_____________________________

What will it be? A member in the strategic team or Marketing Department? In the first one, I am going higher, hence annoying everyone else who worked with me. I will be setting up a department and could be making important decisions after a year or so. I will meet people within the same field. I could start up our own section once we're independent.

With the other job, the sky is the limit. Who knows whom I might end up meeting. True I may have some boring office days, but I will get so much exposure. Is exposure such a bad thing? Because I always hoped to be really successful and of a low profile, like Bondiyah taught me. At the same time, everyone keeps telling me that I have a face suited to be infront of the cameras, not behind it.

I just don't know what to do with myself... hummed as in My Best Friend's Wedding.

Universe,
Give me a Siiiiiiiiiign
Hit Me baby one more time

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

What should I ask for?

Tonight might be a special night for prayer (the 27th).  I believe that good deeds are multiplied 1000 fold. This night is meant to be blessed and all prayers are answered.

Mother dearest instructed me to pray to God asking him for all that my heart desires. But I couldn't bring myself to do this. How could I ask God for anything more than everything he's already given me? He's bestowed me with so many blessings that I should be ashamed to ask for anything else.

So I didn't ask God for anything, nothing at all. Not a man, not a promotion, not a trip, not even shopping. Does this mean I am somehow content with my current situation?

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I do not want to have anything to do with my uncle's wife and the more my family pressures me into making up with her the more I despise her, despise them for forcing me to do this, and seriously consider harming their child. Soy loca al cabeza.!!

Coveted item du jour:

Till we meet again, 

Sedeso

I think I love you...

the way Donni Osmond sang it. I think that for now, I do.

And SexyBack , ehm I mean Sexy Voice is Back. I saw him as I was rushing to class and he just seemed cuter than the last time I saw him. He didn't have his headgear on and had gelled his short, slightly curly hair. Looked different but still so yummy.

I was on the phone, sorting out work phone calls before entering class, not really paying attention to my surroundings as I crossed the road, as I was saying my goodbyes, I thought I caught a glimpse of his adonis's face. I rushed my goodbyes, looked back, and saw him, and wow. Wasn't sure what to say and I was afraid of his reception of my hello since it was a public place.

He surprised me by initiating the conversation, asking me how I was and how my course was going. Of course, I took the opportunity to introduce myself (desperate I know), ask about what course he was taking ( signs of a stalker so watch out), and ask him if he were a US or UK graduate (serious stalker, better get a restraining order now). No honestly, every time I see him I get frightened that I may never see him again so I go crazy trying to make the most of these moments.

Embarassing moments: He told me he was in such a hurry that he forgot his pens. Instead of offering him one I walked away answering him that my class was in the opposite direction. I know, what a fool. Should have offered him a pen and used it as an excuse to get closer. But I wasn't thinking straight now was I?

Not so good news: He says he's a US graduate since 2004. If he ain't lying, then it's not the same person I thought he was. But this should be better so I can have a clean paged start with him. Right?

Good news: He's around and didn't drop out. He's an engineer, so I checked out his possible timetable and course. He needs to complete 10 subjects as opposed to my 8 so he'll be there longer than me which'll give me more chances to be with him but hopefully, he'll be mine sooner than that.

Better news: For now, I love him.

And since we're still on the topic of falling in Love, boy have I fallen hard, head over heels in love with this Reem Acra creation. Found it in HarveyNicks but the price tag was ridiculous. Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Another Media Appearance

furniture inspo:__________________________

My second tv appearance and I did absolutely fine. Actually I looked really good. And the co-producer turned out to be an ex-college mate of my sibling so I pointed out my best facial angle for the cameras, lol.

Note to myself: must get a recording of the show for keep.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Careless Whispers

I feel so so so guilty. A kind looking elderly man has been visiting my office every day for the past 2 weeks. He is frail and nearly blind and is desperate for an answer. He asks me daily about the status of his application. And every day I gave him the same answer: we haven't heard from HR yet.

I can be careless sometimes and seems like I misplaced this poor old man's papers and they never even reached the doorstep of HR.

God, please forgive me. I hope my carelessness hasn't hindered this man's chances of improving his life.

The least I could do is send his papers to the specialists across the road once I find them.

Please God, let me help him in any way possible. I feel so bad about what I've done.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Sales Queen

I'm a salesoholic. A bargain Queen. I love my brands but there's nothing that I love more than buying the classics at at least 40% off their original price.

My mates go crazy over the Boutique 1 sales but I on the other hand love the London sales and I always prepare a mental wishlist. This time I'll share what's on my wishlist as the countdown begins. Yaaaaay!!

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Mi corrazon (no child no)

I left my therapist really late today and went back to work. During my latest session, work became a major topic to discuss and I was instructed to enjoy every moment of it and not to worry about tomorrow.

Within half an hour, I checked my work mail and found a forwarded email from the Dept. secretary, with my name nominated for a position within the management team. So now, I either get into media full time or management full time. Which one will it be? I wonder which one pays better? I'm shy to ask.
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Today I felt my heart and it was no longer white with some black burnt crust. It was blood red and healthy. My therapist explained that before, white wasn't an indication of purity but of death, as is the color in Islam. I was heartbroken too many times that a part of me died. But thanks to my CPR therapy, my heart has been resuscitated. Why Hello Sexy Voice!!! Actually forget about Sexy Voice, because he seems to have disappeared off the face of this earth ever since I found out about his background and I am assuming this is a message from the universe.

Myself and the universe should listen to one another more carefully from now onwards.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

The Silent treatment

A very attractive dress but it's more runway/red carpet than evening.
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If I do not like someone, I tend to stop talking to them. I won't pretend to like them because I simply cannot. I am unable to control my facial experessions. I also do not give them a hard time. I keep to my own and try to convince myself that they do not exist in this world. And I am currently giving the silent treatment to a relative, who happens to be an expert in 'faking' sincerity.

My mother insists this behavior is rude but I disagree.

What do you think?

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Annoying relatives

Gifting:________________________

I am so so so upset. If I had to point my finger at someone, it would be my relative. As a generally honest person, I cannot tolerate fake emotions. Neither can I live under pretense. She's turned gran against me, even my own mother? What a cow.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

My Sony USB

I am so angry at my sister and am seriously considering hurting her. I know she hates herself so much, and this seems to be reflected in the people surrounding her. She hates us, her mom, her colleagues, her job, her ex-college mates, random people at the gym. She is so immersed in this dark cloud of hatred and negativity that I wonder what strong forces are needed to pull her out of it. Maybe she will mature at her own pace.

Makes me realize how lucky I am. Atleast I am happy most of the time and I am able to cope with the most annoying people.

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I found an old USB, one that I owned in 2003. I found a copy of my BSc project and a few pics.

Back then I was obsessed with this dude from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Can you believe I do not even remember his name now?

I wore these shoes to death. Wore them when I graduated from my BSc. They've walked all over London, my beloved London, the good years. I miss some of them, but when I remember the loneliness I went through, I am so happy to be surrounded by my family.

And samples of my cooking back when I had to feed myself.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Good & Bad feelings

I felt too good today that I insisted on being the one to call and congratulate a few people who got accepted for the list. I honestly do not know how to describe this feeling. Not only am smiling but can feel this smile all over my body, it's weird. I look forward to the prayers for my good health that I get from these desperate people. I appreciate those genuine prayers more than the ones coming from hypocrites.

I also feel down knowing that some have no hope left for the rest of their lives. Will have to start calling them about the decline of their acceptance to the program and this sucks bigtime.

I want to help them all but, how?

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

More Changes

Overnight, I went from my annoying monotonous routine work to answering 100's of phone calls, calming up and reassuring panicky clients and stakeholders and running around the office like a headless chicken in this ongoing campaign.

I'm not sure what you had in mind dear God when you decided to dump me temporarily into this dynamic office but I'm enjoying it a lot and I truly hope that this feeling of self-accomplishment remains and I stay on a high.

In a recent, previous post, I mentioned that I may be selfish enough and I only help others because of the positive image it leaves of me. But, now, I actually think that I do help others for selfless motives.

Talking to those stakeholders, trying my best to aid them in any possible way and feeling great when they mutter a few prayers for me before they hang up, is efinitely a euphoric feeling.

It feels amazing being able to help others, with something as small as a few words spoken over the phone.

I want to do this more often.

I want to make others smile.

I want to help others.

I also want to have some of my writings published. Now that would be wicked!!! [Insert FWD 2021: the universe has a funny way of listening right my child?]

Coveted item du jour:

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Cravings

Craving some of this cheesecake.

My mother wants me to get married well. This has been her sole wish since the day I was born.  I, on the other hand, am not too sure I want to get married or make babies. I definitely want to find a man, a true love, a partner for life. But this mission has been sidetracked. For the next year, I want to travel atleast 3 times, in Jan, Easter and the summer. I also want to spend a few weeks in Paris improving my french.

I am also waiting for that bloody promotion.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Jumpsuits

Turns out Sexy Voice had quite a fanclub at uni. The tall, the short, the chubby, even the smelly girls had crushes on him. I hate it when this happens. Why can't I enjoy being his one and only fan? How crap!!!

l'ultimo bacio I enjoyed it immensely.

Loving these from http://www.asos.com/
Till we meet again,
Sedeso

today I learnt that......

Today I learned that:
A qualification or degree does not guarantee good manners.

How do I know this? Why all I have to do is look around me and the heads in departments exemplify this. Each one of them, heading a section, holding multiple degrees, but having the worst manners I've seen on any person.

For a street rat to behave in such an awful way, I'd understand why. However, for an educated person to be so ill-mannered, I consider it to be inexcusable.

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How do I feel since yesterday? Much better  after my therapy session.

I learned things about myself.

• That one reason I help others is the positive image it leaves about me. I seem to be very keen on leaving an impression everywhere I go.
• I am so competitive with my own siblings.
• I am selfish.
• I am yet to gain complete stability in my emotions.

Craving: this valentino.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

SATC movie

Watched SATC the movie and it was really good but I found it raunchy.

Dear God,

will I ever find love and be consumed by it the way Carlito described it?

Give me a sign please.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Gimme the Blues

Yes, yes, I'll say it loud and clear. I'm a fan of the Blues Brothers. Enjoy!!

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Le Change

God works in Myterious ways. In one day's time, I applied for a position within a different dept and if all goes well, I'll move away for 1 month. Maybe even for longer if I'm that lucky.

Will keep you posted.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Female Money laundering

Blair's style.

Women of my kind involved the laundering of 100's of millions. Wooaaw! Until now, this has been unheard of. I hope I never become this greedy.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Kitty cuties

Allow me to disclose to you a new obsession of mine. Growing up, I tended to choose darker, 'safer' shades for all my clothes, so I was a dim & gloomy teenager. But now, with all the changes that have been going on, I'm as dynamic & colourful as can be. I've also released my inner child and inhibitions and tada, I feel and look younger.

Check out what I bought today:

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Discrimination

This looks divine. I bet it tastes as good too.

I thought my nation was immune to it but seems like I was hugely mistaken.

Some heads of HR have become so biased and discriminatory that on any job application from now on, one must identify their ethnicity with a tick. A tick, labeling your sect, hence refraining you from ever reaching a high position at your workplace.

Was this piece of information a sign after yesterday's therapy session? Was it fate telling me not to consider sexy voice because of his ethnicity? 

Till we meet again,
Sedeso