Calm Down Woman....

Muy Elegante!!___________________________

I got upset again last night and was very bitchy to The One. When he neglected to call me, I automatically assumed he was busy with his new interest. I do not know. He may be faithful but at the same time he could also be lying. And I'm allowing every action to get the best of me and make me doubt him. Why? Why am I so doubtful? Why have I become this insecure?

I cried yesterday because of what has become of me. My confidence in myself is so low. My confidence in him has become shaky. I am not able to control my emotions and this in turn is making me unable to function normally. I spend my whole day waiting for him to call me and plan my days accordingly, around his schedule and his lifestyle.

Is this true love? ==> I am not sure because I don't think a mature love would make a person this mad.

Is this merely an obsession? ==> Could be because he has become to me what an inhaler is to a person suffering from asthma. I need another deep breath of him every few hours otherwise I start to panic.

Or am I simply afraid that I am slowly but surely losing my control and myself in this relationship? ==> Could this be? Maybe. I am so confused and I don't know what I want, what I should ask for, what I should be insisting on, and what I should just live with?

Should I just leave him? ==> Of course not. Because:

1. I like him a lot.

2. I have no one else who will fill the void he may leave.

3. Even if I met another man he won't be The One. There is something about this man that is carved in my heart.

4. I am afraid of being single. Ironically I am either single with no male friends or dating and every Tom Dick and Harry wants me. (They can probably sense I am unavailable hence unattainable).

5. I don't want to give up. Getting this man to commit will be the greatest achievement of my life.

And when I zoom out and take a closer look at him, I wonder what it is about this below-average man (according to my history and most women's standards) that has made me fall this hard and deep. Why him and not anyone else? Is it because life with him is a challenge and that is the only way I know how to strive? Will I leave him as soon as he commits and becomes mine? With him, I want more and more and more. I know he is not giving me enough. I look around me and compare what I am witnessing with the way he loves me. Why do some men love deeply, strongly, and obsessively? Why do some men go to extremes just to prove their love to their women? And why can't I have a man like this? 

According to my therapist: I do not want men who throw themselves at my feet? Yes true. But now that I am madly in love with this one, why won't he love me as much as I do. I am not asking for more, I am merely asking for the reciprocation of my feelings.

My head was about to explode yesterday. And it is not feeling any better today.

So I better go and concentrate on my strategy report.

All I know is that because he is still in my life with all the madness that is coming out of me, he must surely love me.

____________________________

Perhaps this is a sign from the universe but I just googled when a man loves a woman and this article was my first search results: If this ain't the universe talking back then I'm definitely cookoo.

عندما يحب الرجل المرأة يحتاج من وقت لآخر إلى الابتعاد قبل أن يصبح قادراً على الأقتراب أكثر

الرجال مثل الأستك المطاطي وهم عندما يبتعدون ، يجب أن يكون ابتعادهم بالقدر الكافي قبل أن يمكنهمالاقتراب مرة تانية

. ويعتبر " الأستك " المطاطي هو الصورة المثلى لفهم دورة الحب عند الرجل .

وهذه الدورة تتضمن الاقتراب ، ثم الابتعادثم الاقتراب مرة أخرى .ويشعر الرجال بهذه الرغبه في الأبتعاد بشكل غريزي ، ولا يكون ذلك قراراً أو اختياراً ، ولكنه يحدث فحسب . كما أنه لا يكون خطأه أو خطأها ؛فهو دورة طبيعية .يبتعد الرجل من وقت لآخرحتى يشبع حاجته إلى الاستقلالية أو التحرر.وعندما يبتعد ألى أقصى حد ممكن ، سوف يعود عندئذ مرة تانية علىالفور . وعندما يستقل بأكبر قدر ممكن ، سوف يشعر فجأة بحاجته إلى الحب والألفة والمودة مرة أخرى . وبصورة تلقائية ، يشعر بحافز أكبرعلى أن يعطي شريكة حياته حبه ، ويتلقى منها مايحتاجه من الحب . وعندما يعود الرجل بعد إبتعاده ، يستأنف العلاقة عند نفس الدرجة منالألفة والحب التي كانت عليها قبل ابتعاده ، ولا يشعر بأي حاجة إلى وقت يتعرف فيه على المرأة من جديد . ومن المؤكد أن الرجل سوف يبتعدإذا ما أحس برفض المرأة له ، غير أنه من الممكن أيضاً أن يبتعد حتىإذا لم تخطىء المرأة في أي شيء . فربما تجده يحبها ويثق بها ثم يبدأ في الابتعاد فجأة وبدون سابق إنذار . وكحزام مطاطي مشدودسوف يبتعد الرجل إلى أقصى حد ممكن ، ثم يعود بعد ذلكمن تلقاء نفسه .يخطىء النساء في فهم ابتعاد الرجل ، وذلك لأن المرأة عادة ما تبتعد لأسباب مختلفة .فهي تبعتد عندما لا تثق في أن الرجل سوف يفهم مشاعرها ،أو عندما تنجرح مشاعرها وتخشى أن يتكرر ذلك ، أو عندما يخطىءالرجل في شيء وتشعر تجاهه بخيبة الأمل .

يبدل الرجل بشكل تلقائي بين حاجته الى الحب وحاجته الى الاستقلالية طريقتان تعترض بهما المرأة دورة الحب الطبيعية عند الرجل1

- مطاردتة عندما يبتعد سلوك المطاردة* عندما يبتعد الرجل ويؤثرالعزلة والأنسحاب ، تتبعه جسدياً ؛ فإذا ذهب إلى غرفة أخرى مثلاً ذهبت وراءه * عندما يبتعد الرجل ، تتبعه عاطفياً ؛ فهي تقلق عليه ، وتريد أن تساعده حتى تتحسن مشاعره ،وتشعر تجاهه بالشفقة والحزن .* وهي تعترض على حاجته إلى أن يبقى بمفرده .* وتبدو في شوق إليه ،وتشعر بجرح مشاعرها .* وربما تحاول أن تخرجه منعزلته بأن توجه إليه أسئلة تثير بداخلة الشعور بالذنب مثل " كيف يمكنك أن تعاملني بهذه الطريقة ؟ " أو" ما الذي دهاك ؟ ""أو" ألا تدرك إلى أي مدى أشعر بجرح مشاعري عندما تبتعد عني ؟ "* وتصبح لطيفة ومجاملة أكتر مما ينبغي . وهي تحاول أن تكون مثالية حتى لا يجد الرجلأي سبب للأبتعاد والعزلة . وتتخلى عن إحساسها بذاتها وتحاول أن تصبح في الصورة التي تعتقد أنه يريدها عليها .

2 - معاقبته على الابتعاد سلوك العقاب * عندما يعاوده الشوق إليها مرة ثانية ، تقوم برفضه .* عندما يرجع إليها ، لا تظهر السعادة برجوعه وتلقي باللوم عليه . وهي تعبر عن رفضها لما فعله من خلال كلماتها ونغمة صوتها والنظر إليه بطريقة جريحة .* عندما يرجع إليها ، ترفض مصارحته ومشاطرته مشاعرها ، وتصبح باردة وتبدي استياءها منه لانه آثر العزلة ورفض مصارحتها والحديث معها .* تتوقف عن أن تثق في أنه يهتم بها بحق ، وتعاقبه بعدم الاستماع له وبعدم إعطائه الفرصة لكي يكون رجلاً " صالحاً "ما يجب أن تعرفه كل امرأءة عن الرجال إذا لم يكن لدى الرجل الفرصة للأبتعاد عن المرأة والاختلاء بنفسه لفترة من الوقت ، فلن تواتيه الفرصة أبداااااااا لكي يشعر برغبته القوية في الاقتراب . من المهم أن تفهم ألمرأة أنه إذا ما أصرت على التقارب الدائم ........أو على " مطاردة " الرجل عندما يؤثر العزلة والابتعاد بنفسه ،وبالتالي لن تواتيه الفرصة أبداااااااا لكي يشعر بحنينه العميق وشوقه المتقد إلى الحب

.الرجل الحكيم الرجل عادةً لا يدرك أن انسحابه المفاجىء ثم عودتة فيما بعد لهما أثر كبير على المرأة . ومن خلال هذه الرؤية الجديدة عن مدى تأثر النساء بدورة الحب عند الرجل ، يستطيع الرجل أن يدرك أهمية أن يصغي إلى المرأة بإخلاص عندما تتحدث .والرجل الحكيم يفهم ويحترم حاجنها إلى أن يطمئنها بصفة مستمرة إلى أنه مهتم بها وحريص عليها بالفعل . وفي الأوقات التي لا يشعر فيها بحاجته إلى الاختلاء بنفسه . فإن الرجل الحكيم يستغل كل فرصة لكي يستهل محادثة معها .المرأة الحكيمة المرأة الحكيمة تعرف أنها لكي تفتح الحوار مع الرجل يجب عليها ألا تطلب منه الكلام ،ولكن تطلب منه الأستماع إليها بإخلاص . وهي على ثقة من أنه سوف يفتح قلبه معها شيئاً فشيئاً . وهي لا تعاقبه أو تطارده إذا ما أراد الاختلاء بنفسه قليلاً . وهي تفهم أن مشاعرها الحميمة تجاهه هي التي تثير في بعض الأحيان حاجته إلى الابتعادعنها قليلاً . في حين أنه في أوقات أخرى ( عندما يكون في طريق العودة إليها ) يكون قادراً تماماً على الإصغاء إلى مشاعرها الحميمة .

Peace out.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

RIP Ahmed

His demise has scared me a bit. It reminded me that I may die at any moment, and I will definitely be unprepared for it. I am a decent person inside and want to be hitched and continue to live a decent life.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Now More than Ever

After having read N's sweet email, I have become more and more convinced of the following:

Everything happens for a reason and everything is written in one's destiny. If The One is meant to marry me then it will happen one way or another. And if it is not meant to be, then nothing I ever do will change that, not even strong black magic.

If he is currently cheating on me, nothing I do will make him stop. Because if there is anything I am sure about is that when a man loves a woman, nothing will keep him away and nothing will stop him from pursuing her.

I just hope to God that he is faithful to me. I need one faithful man to restore my faith in the male species and to prove my mother wrong for she constantly expresses that no man is ever faithful.

Fuck him, seriously for he has scarred my life and happinness somehow.

_______________________

A note to the asshole I am dating:

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

PS: The Nobleman is having a gastroscopy today and I wish he recovers soon enough and comes to spend some recovery and leisure time with me in Dubai.

Is he?

No phonecall has been made from the landline since the 19th of February. Is The One doubtful?

I'll just have to wait and see. But one thing is for sure. If he were cheating, he will evetually slip and something will surface.

I'll show this bastard.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

The Knocker

A new man on the horizon who has such an absorbing presence that I was consummated and very very interested. I assumed I'd come across a few interesting fellows, but never did I think that one would grab my attention this much. I tried to feast my eyes as much as I could knowing that I may never bump into him ever again (a trend that has happened a lot in the past).

He is tall and slim has a noble face. He hails from a good family after he distributed his business card. He impressed me like no other man has with his administrative skills and his wit and intelligence and God only knows how long it's been since I have been seriously impressed by a man. I kept on thinking to myself: "I could learn so much from this man, just like I did from Agent 009 and unlike what is happening with my current beau". I found myself thinking of ways that I could contact him after the course is over and wondering what big excuse will I come up with to sound as professional and innocent as I can. I wanted more, more of this course, more time to linger around him, and more of this intriguing man.

Why have we crossed paths I wondered again and again?

_________________________
You may be wondering what's happened with my beau? Well, The One? is still around, still in the scene. I love him of course but I am so annoyed because I want more from him. I want more love, more devotion, more sweet words, and more commitment. I believe he is very very very super-fond of me, but does he love me back? And if he did, does he love me enough?

_______________________________
Persian women are truly stunners. You don't believe me, then see for yourselves.


Sahar Biniaz
Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Another one bites the dust....

Just when things were calm; Just when the love was getting stronger; just when The One cared about me so much that he didn't mind if his nephews found out about me; and just when things were nearing perfection, another (mild) storm shatters the safe route this relationship was taking. Yes, believe it or not, I've done it again. I've had another outburst of emotion, accusing The One of not loving me enough, and not being the perfect partner in his affections. I accused him of being too stubborn and purposely ignoring all my hints of how I'd like this relationship to move. Bless him, for he remained calm, laughed some of the accusations off, and then reminded me how disrespectful I tend to get and how he has been very patient with me.

What is it about me and never being satisfied with anything? Why do I always want more? Apparently being content is not a word I acknowledge in my dictionary. But, I must admit that what I ask from this universe is peanuts compared to what people want.

I want a fairytale love story. I want mutual strong affections and acceptance. I want a strong man to stomp his feet and tell the whole world (especially his family) that he loves me, and is proud to be with me and will marry me whether they like it or not. <=== is this too much to ask for God?

In the meantime, I carry on with my life, remembering N's email: that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and that if it was not meant to be then it will never be.

"Quote" there is something you need to understand . the sooner you learn and accept this fact, the better off you will be :

God has a plan .
as simple as it sounds, it is so hard to adhere by that fact of life . no matter how bad you try to fight God's plan or mold it into what you would 'ideally' want, God knows best . If it's meant to be, it will be . Regardless of where God takes you, you never have to worry about being alone . God isn't some hater, insecure friend who tries to sabotage and ruin your life . . . everything is for a reason . Take a deep breath, live life and stop fighting what the Lord has in store . It will be excruciatingly hard, but just . . . try to live by faith . i am .

"Unquote"

_____________________________________

I had a therapy session yesterday and it went well enough. But something my therapist said is what triggered my outburst. It was after I mentioned the new smart man I met at the course last week and how this is somebody I can learn from, as opposed to my man. She said that my man learns from me and may apply it all to other future partners. This may be true and as annoying as it sounds, I wonder if I am slightly selfish. This man obviously falls short in alot of categories that I excel in. But I must remember Agent 009 and how he willingly and gracefully taught me so much that my standards went even higher. And I know for a fact that even though The One is learning so much from me now, I will always remain steps ahead. It's because of my nature. I am a person with many long term goals in life, one of which is to become smarter and smarter and have an above average intelligence. Therefore, I ask myself: Is it a big deal if I am the teacher in this relationship? Will this affect the the man-woman roles set by nature?

I know that he loves me, yet I wonder: does he love me enough?

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

PS: R B  will wed S H. She aimed too high and got it. So dear God, why R B and not me? I don't understand you.