Just when things were calm; Just when the love was getting stronger; just when The One cared about me so much that he didn't mind if his nephews found out about me; and just when things were nearing perfection, another (mild) storm shatters the safe route this relationship was taking. Yes, believe it or not, I've done it again. I've had another outburst of emotion, accusing The One of not loving me enough, and not being the perfect partner in his affections. I accused him of being too stubborn and purposely ignoring all my hints of how I'd like this relationship to move. Bless him, for he remained calm, laughed some of the accusations off, and then reminded me how disrespectful I tend to get and how he has been very patient with me.
What is it about me and never being satisfied with anything? Why do I always want more? Apparently being content is not a word I acknowledge in my dictionary. But, I must admit that what I ask from this universe is peanuts compared to what people want.
I want a fairytale love story. I want mutual strong affections and acceptance. I want a strong man to stomp his feet and tell the whole world (especially his family) that he loves me, and is proud to be with me and will marry me whether they like it or not. <=== is this too much to ask for God?
In the meantime, I carry on with my life, remembering N's email: that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and that if it was not meant to be then it will never be.
"Quote" there is something you need to understand . the sooner you learn and accept this fact, the better off you will be :
God has a plan .as simple as it sounds, it is so hard to adhere by that fact of life . no matter how bad you try to fight God's plan or mold it into what you would 'ideally' want, God knows best . If it's meant to be, it will be . Regardless of where God takes you, you never have to worry about being alone . God isn't some hater, insecure friend who tries to sabotage and ruin your life . . . everything is for a reason . Take a deep breath, live life and stop fighting what the Lord has in store . It will be excruciatingly hard, but just . . . try to live by faith . i am .
"Unquote"
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I had a therapy session yesterday and it went well enough. But something my therapist said is what triggered my outburst. It was after I mentioned the new smart man I met at the course last week and how this is somebody I can learn from, as opposed to my man. She said that my man learns from me and may apply it all to other future partners. This may be true and as annoying as it sounds, I wonder if I am slightly selfish. This man obviously falls short in alot of categories that I excel in. But I must remember Agent 009 and how he willingly and gracefully taught me so much that my standards went even higher. And I know for a fact that even though The One is learning so much from me now, I will always remain steps ahead. It's because of my nature. I am a person with many long term goals in life, one of which is to become smarter and smarter and have an above average intelligence. Therefore, I ask myself: Is it a big deal if I am the teacher in this relationship? Will this affect the the man-woman roles set by nature?
I know that he loves me, yet I wonder: does he love me enough?
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
PS: R B will wed S H. She aimed too high and got it. So dear God, why R B and not me? I don't understand you.
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