*quote**unquote*

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them."

Miss Carrie Bradshaw, SATC.



Do I  fall into this category.




Till we meet again,
Sedeso

The Resort

Spent another wonderful weekend on the beach. My skin is scorched and surprisingly I'm not too happy about it. Albeit spending the summer of '05 under tanning beds, I've noticed that I look better fairer. Mother will not like my new skin color, but it's okay, it'll fade away very soon.

Now, I know everyone is told not to believe astrologers but check this out, from http://www.astrologyzone.com/ , Venus' move into Gemini on May 24 will bring more beauty and love to your social life, and will also stimulate your possibilities for travel. If there's a nearby town you've wanted to investigate - a yoga retreat, a mountain lookout, or a soothing spring lake surrounded with wild flowers - pack and go at month's end. <==== how cool is this website.

From my getaway:

The serene bar pool, one of 5.

I was surprised at how comfy the beds were. I am used to sleepless first nights at hotels but I honestly slept like a log.

She sells seashells by the seashore.

Snoopy Island

This was the best breakfast buffet I have had hus far, I kid you not. And the bagel, aahh, dropped down from heaven. Tastes even better than the ones I've tried at the 24hour shop on Brick Lane.

But before I sign off, a note. I think I may have developed another skill. I can 'sense' if a man is decent or not and it comes to me as a feeling. My instincts are definetely sharper, this I know. Like the 2 boys from the pool, dirty, dirty dirty is the only way to describe them. I am not judging, I am merely pointing out an instint. Dirty minds, dirty. I hope I end up with a 'clean' one [insert FFWD: April 2010, so child aren't we glad?].

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Dazed & Confused

Positive rxn, then a negative one and a positive one, and so forth. This man is very confused about what to do with me. Today, he saw me and turned away, resisting after I strutted around the office in my fitted top yesterday. But I will not give up because every man falls. And he has somehow but is trying his level best to resist.
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What happened to me since this obsession took over my life? I was an interesting, intelligent woman with a career and a mission and now I feel slightly confused most of the time. I know what I should be dismissing and what I should concentrate on but I'm carrying on with this obsession.
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I need to tame my inner volcano, so says my therapist.

I don't know, I'm very very confused.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Happy Birthday Blog of Mine

I just noticed that my baby blog has turned 2.

Happy Birthday to me. May my future posts be brighter than the past ones.

Yours truly,
Sedeso

BINGO

He passed by while on his phone, our eyes met, instead of continuing straight, he stopped, stuck his head, greeted me, and walked off. Everyone in the room was surprised.

We went from total ignorance to this.

If this does not earn me a 100% score, then I don't know what will.

Mother dearest always said: Treat a man like your shadow, chase it and it will run away, run away and it will follow you and never leave you.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

check

Okay, so far so good.

He went back to parking in the usual close place. (check)

He went back to passing by my office as usual (check)

and I am so sure he's wondering why on earth I've suddenly shut myself away from him: no morning greetings, no cute interruptions, no silly questions, not even the million glances as I pass by.

I thought I was cute. I know I am and if he doesn't see me this way then le pauvre, it's his loss. He's missing out on alot of fun in his life.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Reflexes

My reflex sensations to certain issues are becoming acutely accurate.For example, I always feel a throbbing pang in my gut when hottie is around. My feelings, my presence and my emotions are stronger, may God help me accommodate all this energy inside this body of mine.
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Craving: some creative new bed linen and matching curtains that go with tangy/brown furniture.

Loving: this kids bedroom

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Cartier gems

Okay, so as much as I hate to admit it, playing hard to get is the way to go and being honest, straightforward and interested doesn't seem to get you anywhere.

Although lover boy (yes, boy for his immature reaction to my straightforward, in your face, interest) parked far away today and didn't take his usual route, by midday, he passed by my abode 5 times within 1 hour. He seems to have noticed my absence. GOOD. I have nothing to say to him for the rest of the week. Well done sweetie. Today you scored a 90% only because he was able to catch a glimpse of you, whereas you were supposed to be invisible. Hard since my office has glass walls.

Coveted gems du jour: ( as sported by the ever so gorgeous Monica Belluci and others)

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

What women want *wink*

What I Want in a Man List (age 26) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 36)

1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Wants to talk to me. 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Has at least one shirt with the arms cut out 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Loves to go for drives
10. Seeks romance at least 3 times a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7 . Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Slap in my face

What a day, what a day. I tried to be as positive as possible about today's events but here I am on the brink of tears, feeling as if the universe gave me a big slap in the face that it's thud is still ringing in my ears.

I feel so down. He purposely avoided me today by taking the longer route to his abode, going and coming back a million times and I went crazy, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. By midday I got fed up so, I decided to play Cat'n'mouse with him. Every time I caught sight of his sleeve around the corner or heard his voice or even his footsteps, I jumped into the closest room and hid. I am hoping he noticed my absence because towards the end of the day, he came back the usual route and I had to hide again. Unfortunately, there will always be a 1% error rate, so our eyes met in one of the corridors, so as opposed to the usual stop, hi sir, how u doing, cute smile and silly question, I looked away and carried on. I know he got confused when he saw me because I saw it on his face.

Although my ego is bruised and might take a while to heal, for day 1 of the hard-to-get plan, I score a 95%. Well done. Let's hope you score high for the rest of the week and get a result.

Universe, once again, you have disappointed me, please do a better job of listening to me carefully.

To share with you: this gorgeous pinned headboard.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso

I *heart* Saturdays

I love saturdays because:

1) It's gym day. On weekdays I am only able to squeeze in a 1.5 hrs max for my workout, twice a week the most. But Saturday is the day that I walk in lazily and ask for a complete body workout and spend about 4 hours in there. And on sundays I feel superfit, checking out my toned bod.

2) I catch up on my reading on Saturdays. Not just books, but paperwork, and blogs. I would call it super multi-reading day since I multi-task all week long. Right now I am reading my book, blogging, searching for inspirational ideas for the 10th awards ceremony. Help, anybody?

3) Regardless of how hot the weather is outside, I always have time to enjoy my Lebanese breakfast of halloumi cheese, Zaatar, olives, cucumbers, tomatoes and pitta bread washed down by a strong, extra sweet tea with milk. Luxury is defined as me in my jammies, heavy breakfast, in the garden house, with the papers then a book, lounging in the heat and chitchatting with my grandparents as they move about the garden.

4) If I went out on a Sat evening, it usually is a celebration. Most people regret this day, others hate sunday nights all because they know they'll have to wake up early the next morning and head to work and it's the beginning of a long, dreary, tiring week. Since I now look forward to the future, I anticipate the new week and hope that wonderful things come to me, for tomorrow is synonymous with a beautiful and exciting day. And don't forget, that I look forward to seeing hottie a work.

( I wish that you all find hot crushes at your workplaces: mild infatuations that do not turn into obsessions. Your job will become spiced: salted and peppered and lemon zesty too, lol. And notice how the weight will suddenly drop and you will start paying attention to your looks. My God I look gorgeous these days, it's all those puppy love raging hormones.lol)

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therapy update: I was stuck in traffic yesterday and had a hard time finding a parking and I flipped. Nearly lost it, but as soon as I remembered my therapy sessions, the fumes coming out of my ears got extinguished and as annoyed as I was with them, I had no right to punish them for my foul mood. And before I knew it, TA-DA, back to being the sweet, belle of the ball and I did get lots of attention too (which I love, btw, considering my narcisstic personality).

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

2 can play that game

Aha, so that's the role you choose to play: hard to get. Mpphhff. Fine, 2 can play that game and let me teach you what the words playing-hard-to-get mean. 1 week. And you'll come to me gagging like a puppy.

For the coming week, I shall pretend you do not exist.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Positive thinking

The power of positive thinking is miraculous. From today onwards, every time I encounter a problem, I will look at the brighter side. Trust me on this one, before you realise it, the size of this problem will be reduced to a pinhole.

For example: I got verbally harassed by some boys at a public place. Eons ago, I would have gone home, cried my eyes out, and imagined every possible scenario where a few words turned into abuse and courtrooms (yes, that's why I am known as the Drama Queen) But now, I just excused them and their silly behavior. Perhaps they didn't specifically mean me, or perhaps I heard it all wrong, or even better, perhaps it was a long-lost friend who was trying to grab my attention and say hello. Regardless of the excuse, I went back home and slept like a log.

Coveted items du jour:

















Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Betty Boop vs Jessica Rabbit

Would you ever consider any of these 2 as icons: Betty Boop or Jessica Rabbit?

What's up with my hormones? And why am I so insisting on being a vixen? I've watched these 2 ladies as I was growing up but never truly understood their effect on the XY factor until years after I hit puberty. To me, the score is 0-1: Betty Boop is cute, but the true vixen is Jessica Rabbit.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Dear Universe

Dear Mr. Universe,

(notice how I referred to the universe as him)

I know I previously said I will refrain from calling out to you and will call out to God instead, but I feel so embarrassed about asking for silly issues. So instead, I will use you as a means and I hope to get what I want.

Please, help me find peace in all my relationships whether old or new. 

I shall remain persistent in my prayers.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Palm reading

I've reached a stage, where my therapy has ceased to become a necessity. Great news for me. and the pending soulful issues that may still need clearing from my system are minor now, too minor that they are unnoticeable and I can live with them. Yet I still enjoy learning more and more about myself.
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I've developed an interest in the psychic world, tarot games and palm reading. A small part of me worries that this novel interest may distract me from GOD, but the rest of me is assured that this will not grow out of proportion as long as I remind myself to remain well-grounded. But one habit I should attempt to govern is during prayer times: I should call out to God instead of the universe.
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If you're interested in palm reading, here are a few links:
http://www.mindgage.com/
http://www.sexgage.com/
http://www.psychicgage.com/

Enjoy.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Crisp white shirt

____________________________

I was allowed to attend the meeting and he sat next to me. Not sure if it were a plain coincidence or an intentional move. But I noticed the clean, white, and baby blue crisp shirt; the flat tummy, the clean shoes, the soft skin in his palms, the clean short nails. He always smells amazing, and squeaky clean. Is he that high maintenance? Is he a metrosexual? Regardless of what he is, I like them both.

Let's just wait and see.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Paragliding

I had a wonderful day today regardless of the lack of sleep, worries about my coming presentation and annoyance at my workmates. I spent the day at sea, fishing, jetskiing, paragliding and barbecuing the fish we caught. What an experience.

And the best bit was the paragliding. At first I was terrified from the idea itself but suddenly something hit me hard and told me to be brave. I came all this way to have fun and it would be such a waste to go home without having tried it. I overcame my fear from something unknown right then and gave it a go. And what a blissful feeling it was, being that high up in the air. It was so peaceful and it felt serene.

Looking forward to seeing hottie first thing on Sun. morning.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

BINGO

Yes, yes, yes. I got a response, phew.

1. Mr. Fit waited for me until I got out of my car and walked with me to the building.

2. Held the door open for me and didn't act superior.

3. Glanced up at me in the lift then quickly looked away.

4. Asked me to join him in a private discussion with another senior.

5. Started bragging about his connections.

6. Was revealing a lot about his private life as if trying to impress me. ( I learned more about him in 10mins than a few years).

7. moved about the meeting room as if he owned it and passed by my chair so many times, forcing me to move.

I could carry on, but I know now for sure that I do tickle his fancy. Yaaaay. How nice to be a crush for someone.  And what a great feeling this is.

Till we meet again, 

Sedeso

Barbie USB

Crush update: Still crushing hard over him. But I have realized something. I lent a book by Barbara DeAngelis to a friend and remembered something from her book: that I have fallen for this man's potential and not for the man himself. On paper, he sounds wonderful: educated, tall, fit, mysterious, great dress-sense, polite, powerful, intelligent. How much do I know about his character though? Barely anything.

(sigh)
I wonder when this crush will cease to exist and be replaced my mutual, everlasting respect.

Coveted item du jour:
this barbie usb

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Sleep-deprived

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My inner-self is in turmoil. During the last therapy session, apparently, I went in too deep. And since last Wednesday, I haven't been able to sleep as deeply. I tossed and turned all through the night and I was fully aware of my dreams to the extent that I woke up, looked around me, went back to sleep, and continued the dream right where I left it.

It's exhausting I tell you.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Convo with Fooz

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I had a very interesting convo with Fooz yesterday mainly involving 'the chase'. And I realised that this is what excites me the most in any relationship. Chasing my next victim, and as much as he resisted getting him in the end. This is how I would triumph, as soon as he showed interest and after that everything else seemed to go downhill.

I've played this record over and over again and every time I come across this scratch, my reaction is the same: leave it and move on to some other record. But this is wrong. I should get a CD cloth and attempt to clean this scratch away, enduring the boredom of this task and the tediousness of this job.

From our interesting convo:

- Every man is a pig, regardless of how religious he thinks he is or claims to be. If they saw a pretty girl, their mind will go haywire.

- And every man will fall for a potential, 'interested' girl regardless of how long it takes because the devil seems to be doing a good job out of temptation.

-Playing hard to get always works <=== hence must rarely show my presence and pretty face next week. - Must notice every single detail. A dressing style is a big indicator of personality, and love of change. ---------------------------------------------------

Now that my aura has started clearing up and my sensations and feelings have become sharper, I think that one of the 'older' colleagues is in love with Mr. Boss and secretly wishes she could be his missus. And in all my tarot readings the cards 'claim' that she is his fave. The old me would have tried to become his number one. But the new me wishes her well. I have no intention of matrimony when it comes to him. For now, a mutually respectable friendship would work.  Actually, for a start, I'd like to get a pay raise out him and I hope I can because, at the end of the day, he's merely a mortal man. Tokyo restaurant, not very nice.

Till we meet again
Sedeso

Latest crush update

Action:

Unintentionaly I didn't say a word to him yesterday.

The result:

I got a: close face to face encounter when a half-hour task was requested from me ( which I honestly doubt they even needed, it was just an excuse to interact with me)

I got an: over the shoulder stand while I carried on typing.

I got a: sitting in my chair right after I got up towards the printer.

I got a: come to my office and let's rearrange the paragraphs.

I got a: come sit next to me on the double chair as I was about to sit right opposite.

Moral:

Love is a game. Sometimes one must resume the hard-to-get role.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Not over yet

Rrooaarrr.

This infatuation is not over yet. Not even close. 

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I'm feeling a bit funny, on the opposite side of my kidneys. I'm sure the ailment is not physical but emotional and it's a heavy burden of worry. I put out a sacrifice and hope that whatever darkness it was, just goes away.

Coveted items of the day:

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

The perfect prayer

Some random person's kosha:

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' If you want something bad enough, all the earth conspires to help you achieve it'. Regardless of how many times I repeat this Paulo Coelho saying, it will never suffice to be hammered in everyone's heads, including mine.

Just today, I was telling my colleagues how long it's been since I truly, connected with God, spiritually during a prayer. I'm not sure what brought this on: whether it was my drowsiness or something way deeper than that.

But during the prayer, I felt peaceful, and at ease. I heard nothing but stillness, although this office is known to be noisy. I wasn't afraid, and I closed my eyes to further enjoy the experience. I took my time with the words, feeling each one. I felt love (not cheesy but true). I thanked him for all the blessings that he's bestowed upon me. I don't know how best to describe it but I didn't want it to end. And before its conclusion, I thanked the angels and offered a prayer for each one of my friends who needed it. My life coach says this is the proof that I'm changing: selflessness.

I hope these feelings of sheer inner bliss remain with me for as long as I live.

And I hope you get to experience it too, a step closer to heaven.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Nathr

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Ancient civilizations such as the Aztecs and Incas provided sacrifices to their gods in return for health, wealth, longevity..etc. Some modern religions still do such as the Indians who give sacrifices to the temples.

And I, dear reader, have done such a thing since the day I got introduced to the 'VOW' prayer. What the true intention of this prayer is, I doubt I comprehend fully, but what I've always understood is that you ask God for something in return for a good deed or prayer or giving up something you betroth.

Until recently. I used to wish and pray to God, to give me stuff and I in return would, for example, pray 100 prayers, or send out 1000 well wishes or supplications, or even read a whole chapter of the holy scripture. Whatever I wished for, I always insisted on, regardless of how badly it might have affected my life or reputation. I was extremely stubborn and constantly found myself crying in my sacred prayer corner.

But now, I have a stronger belief in destiny and whatever I don't get, it was never meant to be.

My advice to you is: Embrace your destiny, God has better things in store for you than your wildest dreams. < === I should honestly continue to believe in this and living by it.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

"Quote" Some lives are filled with "junk food". all we stuff into our "spiritual bodies" are materialism, lies (either to others or ourselves), promiscuity, gossip, hating, over-ambition, deceit, and distractions. Our lives suffer the consequences because of what we feed it. before we know it, our lives are unhealthy and shutting down. it happens just like a body does ...one organ fails, then another, then ANOTHER: we lose focus in life, our mindset is negative, relationships fall apart, & people treat us differently, ...sooner or later, all the aspects of the bigger picture are destroyed and we wonder where we went wrong.

Some people want to take the quick approach and "liposuction their life" into the right place. instead of focusing their lives on God, we turn to quick fixes to solve our problems ... alcohol, drugs, & sex that create pleasure for the time being & a sense of hollowness afterward. We feel guilt. We let all of the junk in our life prohibit us from turning around and being healthy. Sometimes we feel like it's too late. Then slowly but surely, that tummy-tuck life alter leaves us unhealthy again. &/Or we are left with excess skin & scars ...proclaiming to the world that something didn't work out like we originally planned.

 Some people are in denial about their disintegrating "bodies". On the outside, everything looks perfect and society tells us that we're "badddd" . so, we believe them. If we look healthy from the outer perspective, then everything on the inside has to be. Gorgeous, thin people have heart attacks, get diabetes, or liver failure too. Just because they have a slim body does not mean that they are taking care of themselves nutritionally. Similarly, SPIRITUAL BODIES are the same way. Kanye said, "the prettiest people do the ugliest things". Just because we "seem" like our lives are beautiful and perfect on the outside, does not mean that the unhealthy things inside cannot do damage.


We need to be real with ourselves about how much societal junk we consume =/ .


It's never too late to insert God into our diet . "Unquote"

Navy loo

I need to refurbish my room on a small budget but with an even smaller space allocation. This is a temporary change until next March.  Bed, cupboard, and armoire remain, but the sofa needs to go. I need some more leg space.

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For starters, my toilet will be accessorized with Navy stuff.  

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

More than just boobies

I am feeling wonderful, not because life is lacking problems. But because I am growing and maturing in ways I've only read about. My inner-self is evolving into a better, brushed version of me and I couldn't be happier for myself.

The saying goes: Seasons change, people don't. But In my case, I will have to slightly disagree. I say" You cannot change people, they have to change themselves". I have worked hard and persistently on improving and I'm glad to be reaping the results so soon.

I faced yet another demon from my past and I am proud of myself. She is exactly the way I left her: loud, funny, judgemental, ass-kissing, think she's above all, pretending to be pious and conventional. The funny thing is, I always envied this girl. She was rich and a true fashionista, both of which she still is. She practices yoga, travels the world, sleeps all day and....and...that's it. Her life is a cupcake compared to the 5-decked, marzipan cake of a life that I have. She hasn't met the people I have, she hasn't gone through the lows that I have. She hasn't worked her way up the ladder in anything because of course thanks to daddy everything got handed to her on a golden platter. If her life has been silk white bedsheets, then mine had been Frieda Kahl's rainbow-colored quilt, and how much more interesting is that?

I might have resisted this meeting before but this time I was well up for it. I have nothing to fear nor anything to hide. I am as good a person as any of them will ever be. Actually, let me be cocky and say even better. It's amazing how before, I looked up to her, but now I look and see nothing out of the ordinary. A typical Jane.

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I think my therapist is also a medium. She did an interesting reading based on my birthday and her results were 'positive'. Without revealing too much, let's just say that I am a gemstone in a catapult, and once released I can and will soar faster than anyone has ever imagined up the success ladder. And I look forward to getting 'there'.

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In yesterday's meeting, Monsieur fitness indirectly mentioned that I will be going places and the others started congratulating me. " If you want something bad enough, all the earth conspires to help you achieve it".

Thank you God, for I have truly been blessed.

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On a funnier note, allow me to share this: They say a picture is worth 1000 words

Till we meet again,

Sedeso