Shivers down my spine

Adorable, n'est ce pas?
______________________

Crushing again.

My insides are twisting and I have butterflies in my tummy. I haven't felt this way since last year when I was aimlessly pursuing Hottie.

I was puzzled by how he figured out I was single. I mean, is my marital status forged on my forehead?

Apparently, he went through 7 months of remaining idle at work and did some soul-searching. I'm sure this is his version of things because I heard otherwise from trusted sources.

I was on the verge of tears when I confided in him as to how scared I was of what might happen to me, or how bruised my ego was because worthless people were given so much authority at work. Albeit me not understanding his metaphor, I looked at him with hope at the mere mention of God. Therefore, it's okay if I remain idle for a few months because good things come to those who wait.

What I like about him:
1) He is tall.
2) He is gorgeous
3) He is fit
4) He is older but not too old (born 1962)
5) He is interested in Body Language
6) He is an expert in NLP
7) He speaks perfect English
8) He appears to also speak French (either that or he's picked up a handful).
9) He loves London.
10) He is very friendly.
11) He is humble.
12) He is an optimist.
13) He is married with children (which indicates stability)
14) He is active in the online community.
15) He enjoys reading.
16) and I love him.

Remember that I've only sat with him on two occasions. I'm sure he is even more fascinating than this.

I was so nervous when I was on my way to meeting him and I had butterflies in my tummy when I left. 
_____________________________
I feel down. Mom just called, on the verge of tears, because of the current financial crisis which is affecting the stockmarket bigtime. I felt helpless. I wish there was something I can do to cheer her up.  Too many people I know have been affected and lost millions over the past year.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Sleepless in my city

Gift-Wrapping Mania:_______________________________

I have always feared marriage because I do not want to fall into the trap of becoming simply another, chained, obedient wife.

I am a free soul who has always cherished her freedom.

Those who know me well understand my need to be released and allowed to do my own things.

I encourage right and wrong and following rules but I abhor being restricted in any way.

Its 4am and I cannot sleep. I can't get The Gentleman out of my mind.

Please set me free.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso 

Get back into shape....

Must get back into shape asap. Summer is just around the corner.
__________________________

Just finished my last exam for this semester.

It went okay, phew. I hope I do well in both exams. 

__________________________

You'd think that once you hit your 20s, you'd stop crushing on others.  The reality is, nope.  You continue to have one crush after the other and the daydreams never end.  I'm not sure if it's just me and my wild imagination or are others like me?

Well, since it's harmless daydreaming, I give my heart and mind permission to create whatever scenarios they like.

So, today I'm in love with The Gentleman. I emailed his pics to Suad and she gave me the thumbs up.

I can see it happening, me chatting in his office for longer than 10 minutes.

Me on a plane next to him

Me and him, dining at the Polo Club.

Me and Him, sneaking a night drive.

Me and Him, on vacation in London

Me and The Gentleman, why not universe?

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Summer '09, here I come...

Summer of 2009: Daydreaming of The Gentleman. 

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

PS: Sweet dreams TG, please visit me in my dreams.

The Prophecy

And it's over. The 7-year prophecy.

 

At the age of 20, my mother took me to see a fortune teller, a friend, and a psychic. She looked at my coffee lines and read into my destiny.

Of all her prophecies, there was one that I held onto and never forgot:

"That in 7 years time, my life will be so different; I will become such a good, successful person in many ways, and that I'd marry for love and I'd live in a huge house, too big, that one day I will walk through its gardens, look around me in disbelief at my good fortune, and at that instant will remember this prophecy".

The 7-year wait is over.

I am as single as ever.

Nowhere even close to this prophecy.

Unless,

a miracle happens.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Another heart-throb

 ..
اللي يبينا عيت النفس تـبغيه
واللي نبيه عيا البخت لا يجيبه
_________________________
Another hot senior at my workplace. He's married, tall, fit, and resembles a gracefully ageing Al Pacino. I was in awe when I saw him the other day passing by me in the corridor after prayer time. Too good looking for his own good, I'd be constantly worried if I were his wife. But would I mind being the secret love, maybe? You see this is exactly the sort of man I see myself with (lookswise).  This is my style and preference.

He's a PHd holder and like me is into NLP and personalities.

He welcomed me and spoke to me with interest. I could tell he found me entertaining and interesting to learn more about perhaps like a medical case. He was reading me at the same time.

Regardless, we have so much in common other than our physical resemblance. We both enjoy reading, I recommended " My Name is Red". We are so into personalities, him obviously at a more professional level than me. We both took NLP and both of us could be doing so much more to help our careers. We both care about little people and put enormous efforts into helping the community. We both listen to others and have compassion.

I think I will refer to this one as: "The Gentleman".

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

28 candles

Has it really been a year since my birthday celebration at the Moulin Rouge? Singing to myself: A Paris, chaque nuit, Ferie, tous s'allume, sans la brume, Feeriee, Paris n'a pas someil, alors il se reveille,.......dum dum dum)

Has it really been 4 years since Fransesco made me a tiramisu bday cake and Agent 009 blew me a candle and spoilt me to death, like a princess?

Has it been this long? For I do not feel a year older than 24/25.

And so I turned 28 yesterday. And I greeted Bill Gates recently.

Mother dearest gave me a huge hug, one of those where you feel like crying from the overwhelming amount of love. She held me tight and wouldn't let go. I felt it. I felt how much she was proud of having me and wouldn't change me for the world.

And I realized that regardless of what goes on around me, regardless of how bitchy my work peers are or how gloomy the world around me may appear, everything will be alright as long as mommy is by my side.

God, please protect her for me. Give her inner strength to endure life and serenity for her to sleep soundly.
_______________________
I noticed something: that when the going gets tough, everything is resolved if one remains calm. Your head thinks more clearly, and wise decisions are made.

Like when Hamza attacked me and F for cussing the boss, I tried to remain calm, showed him my indifference to the matter and therefore spoke less and I was saved from the situation.
________________________

This magic moment, when your lips are close to mine, will last forever, forever till the end of time....by The Drifters.


From 16 candles:

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

PS: Director says that I should watch out since I tend to give out too much information. This can and may get me into trouble.

Note to myself: remain calm and collected and every little thing will be alright.

PPS: Shall I get married to anyone mommy approves of just to make her happy?

______________________________________

"Quote" one of the scariest concepts in life is the one of change . at the same time, it is one of the most needed too .The idea that nothing is ever 'permanent' scares the hell out of people . I can't even lie, it makes me feel uncomfortable too . We take comfort in the idea that rainy days will not last forever. If we are broke today, we will eventually stumble across some type of money . If we have a little cold, we know that it'll go away with time. If we are having a bad day, we can rest assured that tomorrow is a fresh start .

On the other hand, we have a very hard time accepting the idea that all good things have to come to an end sometime . Good weather is nice while it lasts . You just bought a new car but something will happen to it eventually... tires, brakes, something . Relationships can only be good until one person messes things up ? Is that true ?

Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Charlotte is terrified to have a baby after years of being barren ? She sees how her friends' marriages and relationships have fallen apart and thinks that her life is going too good . It may sound crazy, but a lot of girls have that feeling . They only believe that things can go downhill after a certain amount of time. The thing about relationships are the fact that we have a smidge more control than you would think. relationships or even marriages do not go smoothly just because people are compatible. silly people lol . Little nuances and details will alternate . Things will not always go according to plan, but the point is to look at the bigger picture.

If you want the relationship to work, then you have to work at it. You have to feed it and nurse it just like you would a baby . The food = honesty, respect, communication. Nursing = spontaneity, romance, and honestly, a foundation in God . I know that makes people move in their seat uncomfortably , but the reason why is because it's true. Someone praying for you and being on the same spiritual accord is important when you expect someone to love you and be real with you . If you change , if your boyfriend/girlfriend changes ... the one thing that doesn't have to be is that spiritual foundation . "Unquote"

Just Imagine

JewelryBeautiful, aren't they?

____________________________

Imagine going to work every day, knowing that you excel in your work tasks which are all credited to your boss.

Imagine being lied to by your boss all your time.

Imagine having the work hidden by your insecure peers.

Imagine those insecure peers ruining your potential opportunities, and your reputation during the process.

Imagine knowing that fishy transactions are happening with the company's money but you're not sure how best to prove it.

Imagine that you're the best-working individual in that department.

Then, imagine you find a request from this boss, requesting your removal from her section once the task has been completed.

So now you know what it's like being in my shoes.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Worries and....

I am crying a lot these days. And I know that a few things are upsetting me.

- Chubby is a worry since I embarrassed myself in front of him. I am sure I will get over it soon enough but not yet.

- I am worried about my job, especially with the Palestinian cows and Idiot of a boss.

- My constant hope for a higher salary to fund some future travels.

- My desperate wanting to be socially acceptable, and loved.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Breaking in...

Okay, I'll name the newest nice guy, Chubby, because albeit being cute he is definitely plump. He is a good man. One can sense his pure aura. He's just like Signor, close to perfection and decent. It a pity though that he is married to a Hind. [Insert FWD 2021: So chubby turned out to be an ass who treated his wife like shit and married a second and estranged the kids.  See kiddo, not everything is what it appears to be]

He is related to Dumbo.

His younger brother is gorgeous and popular with all the girls. Such an eligible bachelor whom I can only dream of being with.

This circle of  GCC families I'd like to break into and marry from [insert FFWD: April 2010: You do not want this child, right?]. They only seem to be marrying into each other, to keep the names, blood and money of course. I have a need to become one of them and be accepted by them. I've considered myself a lesser person for a long time and I'd like to break even gently.

Today's wise quote:
إصبر على قنوط الحسود ....... فإن صبرك قاتله
فالنار تأكل نفسها ......... إن لم تجد ما تأكله

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Death

My friends' mom passed away. When I attended the funeral, her daughter hugged me and told me how much her mother loved me. I started crying straight away. May she rest in peace. I neglected to give her basic rights: visits during her illness. Mother always told me to visit her constantly because one never knows when a cancer patient might die.

I wish I took the time to go and see her.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso