"Regardless of how smart, intelligent, beautiful, kind, amazing you are, beneath it all you are still a child. "<== Those were my therapists exact words as I burst into a crying fit during yesterday's session. I couldn't hold it in me any longer. I know what I want: I want him, and I want to refine him slightly and I want to marry him and have his babies. God are you listening to me?
I look around me and find nothing but couples in love, happy, committing to a lifetime of togetherness, wanting to make babies together. Even animals mate for life.
And while the whole city was happy yesterday, celebrating the tallest inauguration, yours truly was in bed with a bleeding, crying heart. A drive by the river with a midnight BK takeout didn't bring out all the sorrow.
Why was I born such an intelligent yet complicated person? Couldn't I have been born a simpler person, someone who would have been able to live happily? Because for me, life has been so complicated, so up and down that today, and at the age of 28 I am so emotionally drained.
I do realize that I am an impatient person, but so what? This is who I am.
I left my therapist yesterday with her words ringing in my ears:"You will find happiness, with or without him." All I can say is: " I want my happiness to be with him". For sure this wide, huge marvelous universe wouldn't deny me such a minute yet humble request.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
Sedeso
PS: Do I have to sell my soul to the devil in order to get what I want? If he wasn't meant to be, then why Dear God, did you bring him into my life?
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