The One

 Whatever happened to The One?

In Jan 2011 he disappeared for a few months.  He called me one day and said he has to go on a private work mission and for me not to worry about him.  Looking back, I should have been suspicious but I didn't have the hindsight, understanding, common sense to figure out patterns.  I was obsessed and blinded by the fairytale in my head.

May 2011, I bumped into a friend at a cafe whilst she was having dinner with her work colleagues.  I made a fool of myself and acted like a weirdo.  I threatened her boss as a joke.  (Little did I know back then that I would end up marrying him and loving him in a mature balanced healthy way).

September The One resurfaced and when I met up with him, I remember knowing deep inside that it was over but I was simply dragging things.  I hated that he had control of me.  After that, he would show up every few months but I didn't care much about him because I started dating Hubby in Feb 2012.  I got married in May 2014 and completely cut of The One and even changed my number.

If I'm not mistaken, he married in 2015 and divorced the same year.  I came across another announcement that he remarried in 2019 and perhaps is still married.  I am occasionally in touch if I need a favor or so but that obsession is completely over.  He did have arranged marriages both times.  I hope he is happy but I genuinely do not care about him at all.  

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Inherited looks

 As I was braiding my hair, I noticed how thin it has become.   I continued to braid that thinning strand that reached my lower back.  But then, I looked up at my body reflected in the mirror and noticed all the cellulite.  In that toilet lighting, every dimple was accentuated even more. And just like that, it hit me.  The hair was my grandma's and the dimply things were my mom's.  Over the years, I worked tirelessly on my beauty, skin, hair, and cellulite.  With all the efforts that I've put in, how have I still morphed into my maternal side of the family.  I understand genetics are strong but to this extent is kinda annoying.  Wonder if I will ever look like a magazine pin-up?

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Self-Worth

As part of my ongoing efforts to better myself, I went through a breakthrough session where I realized that a part of me still loves my husband and does not want this marriage to end.  Despite his flaws and how difficult he is, I actually cannot imagine myself being with someone else.  After the sessions ended, I have been 3 homework to do.  They are related to self-worth, self-love, and meditations.

Instead of doing my self-help exercises on paper, lemme try to do it here.  Someone out there may benefit from me and identify with me.

1.The number one most important thing about me is my kind heart.

2. As a romantic partner, the most important thing for me to be in a relationship is; loyal.

3. As a family member, the most important thing for me to be in a family relationship is: supportive.

4. The most important thing in my life, in general, is My Family.

5. The most important thing for me to feel in my life is: Safe

6. The most important thing for me to give in my life is: Sincerity

7. The most important thing for me to feel in this life is: Happiness

Love seems to be the essence.  Love seems to be a common answer and need.

This course concludes that to receive love, you have to feel, live and become love.  We must remember that WE ARE LOVE.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Stop Butting In

I passed by another work section to remind them of a pending task.  I tend to walk to other colleagues just to get my body moving and blood flowing instead of remaining at the office desk all day long.  

I found my colleague, chatted to her and just as I was about to leave, she asked me: "How's it going with your husband?"

So I gave her a brief:" Some days it's up other days it down and miserable".

She continued asking and being forceful in her questioning:

"So which professional are you seeing"

"Is she a psychiatrist"

"Babe you should consider a divorce"

 "You should go see this doctor"

"Your husband should get medicated"

"You shouldn't tolerate any of this"

The more she went on the more uncomfortable I felt.  I didn't know how to end the conversation and found myself trying to justify why I am still in this marriage.  I kept defending my husband and choices.  Serves me right for opening my mouth in the first place.  This is what happens when we allow others into our lives and personal matters.  They always want to know more and be forceful with their opinions.

Now, remember I didn't ask her for any help this time, nor did I request her opinion.  But, since I opened my mouth and shared a lot last time, she understood it as a green light to get involved in something she knows NOTHING about.

And this morning, I saw her walking into the building from afar and just ran away to avoid her.

I am not sure how to answer the next time she asks too many detailed questions.  Maybe I will go quiet or just say: "My therapist requested me not to discuss it with anyone anymore and I promised I won't".

Yep.  That's a good answer for now until I develop the strength and cunningness to stop others from getting too involved. How does one stop others without creating sensitivities?

 Till we meet again,

Sedeso