2 notes

Blue Fashion:

_________________________

Note 1:
One of my worst qualities is "butting-in". Every family member has complained about this quality, but I don't think I am that bad. Reality check: living in close proximity to Auntie for the past few weeks has shown me how bad this quality is and what I might become if I am not careful: the most annoying, unbearable person on earth and my children will despise me.

But I cannot help it. When I see something wrong/unlawful/ incorrect/ imperfect, then my hands itch and I must get involved in fixing it. I like things to be right. I love rules and regulations. I wish life was fair. Everyone should get what they deserve. Nobody should rise above the law. I hate 'connections' and hope it diminishes. Hence my obsession with "butting-in" and trying to fix things.


Note 2:

Divorce court is a miserable place. Miserable and sad because its indicative of a broken life, and broken vows. What was once a beautiful sacred relationship has turned ugly and broken down. The shame of the disability to keep one's family intact whilst everyone else around oneself seems to have the perfect family is overwhelming. Divorce to many is a great indicator of Failure. Those people do not consider that if they were in the same situation, they would've left the marriage ages ago. They just point their fingers in the direction of divorcees and assume they are failures.

Hell, NO!!

Failure is having your life ruined after divorce. Yet many divorcees re-marry and are happy. They've had another attempt at marriage and have made it work.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Guardian Angels

All my life, the mere mention of guardian angels made me laugh. The thought of each one of us having an angel to protect us, I couldn't really digest. But, yesterday's incident made me reconsider my beliefs.

In a newly industrialized area, I was going to pick up my friend from the hotel. With no traffic lights or signs on the turn, and just red cones separating the 2 roads, I ended up on the wrong side of the road and saw a huge car flash coming towards me.

Let me describe it all in detail:

I didn't really panic, just thought to myself: uh oh and looked to my right (it was blocked), then looked to my left and amidst the congregation of taxis, there a small space I could pull into. I swerved the car and stopped it there. And I was still calm.

Then it hit me.  When the driver of the bus came down and started banging on my windows and cursing.  My heart started beating, realising that a split second of not paying attention could have cost me dearly. It would've been my life and not theirs since I was driving the saloon.

What happened in those few seconds? It really felt as if a huge hand made the bus suddenly brake allowing me enough time to swerve the car. I am sure I had the radio on but during those few seconds, the quietness was deafening. Somebody was there with me, I felt it. Maybe not a somebody but a something, an energy. I was meant to live. I was meant to live. I am still alive. Just thinking about it now, makes me tearful.

Was that a sign (considering I have been lazy with praying on time and neglecting a few)? I think it was.

So, will I ever mock the term guardian angels again? I hope not, and may this incident serve as a reminder.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Encore

The title of a great book I read before I started university. It's world was magical. Slender ballerinas, Russian counts, Gold-guilded carriages and the Tsarina. A few of the mesmerizing facts that after watching a documentary turned out to actually be true. This beautiful world did exist in the Russian courts and performed in Paris. It wasn't just folklore. Diaghilev, Michael Fokine, Massine, Pavlova and Balanchine all existed. I wonder what magical world they lived in? Was it anything like the current day glamourous yet corrupt hollywood?


Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Inequality

I've had a long discussion with my friend Diana yesterday and a solution seemed more of a dream. 

What I hate the most about the Eastern mentality is their exaggerated sense of self-pride where they are convinced they are superior to all other races. It is this self-pride that may have caused all those wars. It was bad before but what we see nowadays is ridiculous and nauseating.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Do people change?

Do people change as they grow up? Ask this question to anyone and your immediate answer would be yes. Theoretically speaking, as a person grows up, events in one's life and problems (usually the case) shape up a person's personality by sharpening the edges and scraping off the childhood spoilt froth. And most people either end up being severely disturbed and insecure or calmer and more mature. This is meant to be the norm.

But honestly speaking, I do not think people change that much. Their reactions to each situation changes but their hearts remain as intact as ever. How do I know?

Well, consider the following situations and see which ones apply to yourself: (note: all real incidents from my surroundings)

1) You and an ex-classmate have always been competing for higher grades, better friends, better personalities, better paid jobs, better future husbands. This feeling of competition will never cease. Everytime this friend gets one step ahead, do you really not care? I don't think so. The jealousy is still there. You will still try to prove yourself in other fields so that no one can compare between you too, but given the chance I'm positive you'd like to remain one step ahead.

2) You are beautiful and successful and come from a good family, but as you look around you, the less-than-average classmates are all either in very stable relationships or hitched and babied or extremely happy. As you question your assets, you cannot help but feel slightly envious from their good fortune.

3) Your child was beaten at a football game by your old friend's child. You've noticed your child has become withdrawn and more insecure. Wouldn't you start disliking this woman and her 'oh so perfect' child like you did when you were younger?

4) You currently hold a very high position at your workplace. One day, one of your worst enemies walks in asking for your help. Sure, you've grown up and it's been ages since those misfortunate incidents, but for a moment, wouldn't you remember the pain that was caused and think to yourself: I could easily refuse to help him/her?

I'm not sure how best to explain my point but I believe very few people change. We still hate, love, envy, adore, demean, sympathize in the same way. Yet as we grow older, we only react differently, meaning more in control. The essence of our hearts remains the same. And I believe the reason for this is that most of us find it hard both to forgive and to forget past events. This leads us to remain bitter.

I look at myself and re-calculate yesterday's event. I bumped into an ex-classmate I have not seen since 10 years. Her reaction towards me was the same, cold, distant, and wary. I thought to myself: boy, it's been eons, and we're all grown up now. I myself still dislike her, and only greeted her out of courtesy and decent manners. This triggered the question; do people change? Can they REALLY change?
I am still confused,
Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Update

1) Deadline is tomorrow. I'm running around trying to put things together. I truly hope the outcome is greater than expected. Well, I saw the horses so far and they were stunning.

2) I am jealous. Signor is taking the missus to the Lake District. I've suggested a few good hotels and I am so jealous because I want to travel too. What better company could there be? It's stunning out there and here's the proof.

3) There's an odd emptiness in me. As if my life puzzle is missing a few pieces. I hope things sort themselves out in the next 3 months. Things are pretty stable yet boring and I am not sure whether to be thankful for my current situation or not.

4) Wondering why I have so many acquaintances yet so few true friends.

5) Spending time away from my family has its benefits. One gets the feeling of being an only child but with fewer fights and sibling rivalry to be occupied with, no wonder life gets too boring and only children are mentally, and emotionally unstable.

6) I need a new wardrobe and I feel like a change in style. I am so bored of even the new things I've bought.

7) But most important of all, I need a vacation. I am at a stage in my life where I am ready to travel solo, discover new places and enjoy my time. A travel companion would be good but not vital. I want to visit the east, and take a variety of short courses all over the world. I am ready for such experiences and I know that I will be content with my own company.

I wonder what the future holds for me (Fast FFW April, 2010: and I'm still wondering).

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Toilette Ettiquette

A toilet is a room of convenience yet normal rules of conversation cannot be carried out in it. And it differs from men to women since women use it more for their social skills. With men its as follows: go in, get it done, avoid eye contact at all costs wash up and leave.

Now with the female species its a totally different scenario.

Go in, and check out whose in the toilette. If its an acquaintance hug, kiss and have a short chit chat; comment on each others outfits and ask where she bought anything from; go to cubicle, finish up, wash up and borrow anyone's makeup to complete final touches to your face; ask random strange women and toilet attendant how you look; toilet attendants answer is you look fab no matter how trashy you really look like; spend the next half hour telling her about your life story, your miserable childhood, your break-ups and the horrible men you've met; all this while the toilet attendant-turned- psychiatrist for the moment is tapping her fingers, dreaming of the huge tip you MIGHT give her, and cursing you when instead of a tip, you give her a hug and leave the toilette, for she has kids to feed and a drug-dependent partner whose is no good for nothing. all this while giving a final glance to your Jimmy Choos, Rolex, and Vertu phone as you leave.

Or perhaps the woman will go into the toilette to freshen up, see a complete stranger, give her an all-over disgusted look (since she looks better), freshen up your make-up without uttering a single word, is it proper to ask her if you look fine? Of course not. Leave and slam the door behind oneself.

Then, come the children who GO with their parents and I personally find it disgusting.

So what to do? Chit Chat? Ignore?

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

An amazing persona

What makes a person loveable? What qualities change a person from simply being: oh yeah him, oh her into an adorable: I love him/her!! Although there are few of them, nobody utters a bad word about them, nobody hates them, nobody is jealous of them, everybody wants to be their friend, everybody knows they can be trusted. One person of such character is a close friend of mine, whom we'll call Signor.  Signor went to my school but was a few years ahead.

Signor is amazing because:

1) He is the most respectable person I have ever met. Never swears, NEVER backstabs, always uses proper language, will not interrupt, will listen, will apologize for interrupting you, will never look below your neck (if you're a lady), will respect you no matter who you are.

2) He is honest, never lies and believes you, and never doubts you.

3) He is encouraging. He believes in all his friends and their potential and pushes them to become better people. He only sees the good in people and takes an interest in what they like.

4) He is very decent. Doesn't drink, doesn't gamble, doesn't SIN, doesn't cheat on his loved ones.

5) He is always there for his friends, picking them up when they have fallen into depression, cheering them up, solving their problems and lending them his ears, and opening his big heart.

6) He is humble, not caring about those temporary riches of the world, able to afford it all, and obtaining it all yet never flaunting it or acting superior.

7) He is patient, in his words, promises, actions, and expectations, and this quality in him is multiplied.

8) He is a generally happy person, grateful for what he has, enjoying life to the fullest, always smiling, and spreading this positive energy which I have never seen in anyone else.

Plus, he's a cutie pie.

Every time I look at him or speak to him, I thank the Lord for having met this wonderful person and him becoming one of my closest friends. I envy his wife and hope she realizes how lucky she is.  She is probably amazing too for she has attracted him into her reality.  May God bless them both.

But most important of all, I hope that I never take those words back.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Sibling Rivalry

A short while ago, a fortune-teller predicted that one of my sisters will compete with me in intelligence, looks, status, wealth, and matrimony. It bothered me a little but I pushed it to the side for a while.

In the past 4 months, 2 major fights have erupted at home, where I insisted that sis doesn't accompany me to parties. I didn't want her to look better than me. I didn't want her to be liked more than me. I started being mean to her and picking fights the whole time. I was jealous. I still am sick with jealousy but aware of my emotions.  Okay, something needs to be done to re-balance my emotions.

Who's to blame in this situation? I admit that I have some negative character qualities and being extremely jealous is one of them. But my mother could have helped. I believe parents' comments encourage jealousy/rivalry between siblings. All kids should be loved equally and parents should never favor one child over the other.  Parents should be aware that subconsciously they may damage their children without even realizing it.

It seems very easy to scrutinize the way our parents brought us up and blame them for the damage. But once we realize the faults, we should try to work on improving them. I will try my best.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Moods

In general, meaning 99% of the time, what's your mood like?

Are you a jolly, go-happy kind of person, always smiling at strangers and willing to help the old lady cross the road?

Or are you always hyper, jumping around, prancing, and doing cartwheels?

You could be a dark, depressed person, constantly frowning.

Or ever a stick of walking dynamite, ready to explode at people's faces.

But girls go through a cycle. Right before their periods, they are either moody bitches dying to pick a fight with anyone or anything or cry babies who will go by the concept (touch me and I'll burst out crying). During menstruation, girls turn into Miss Piggies and want to eat everything, salty, sweet, sour, everything. After their periods, they become happy because this is the time their skin clears up and they feel clean again. And during their mid-cycle (when they are ovulating, they are horny bitches in heat.

Look carefully at yourself, what mood are you in 99% of the time?

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

She let me down

Bondiyah disappointed me once more. Can I refer to it as another disappointment since it is the norm? I was expecting it (unknowingly) but not this soon.

Bondiyah upset me and proved to me yet again that she has deserted our friendship ages ago, even before I paid any attention to the severed ties and cold phone calls. It's very sad that she's been lying all along and feigning her sincereness. Wouldn't you be upset if you realized that you were used, abused, and littered away?

I'm in a dilemma now and will have to find the solution myself. I will have to start from scratch.

It's okay, but I wish, I truly wish that the roles are reversed one day and she comes back missing me like hell, only for me to have moved on and been long gone. [Insert FFWD 2009: Darling who are you kidding? You must learn to move on and stop wasting your dedication and honest emotions on worthless people. The one who truly loves you will never make you cry]

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Ode to my housemaid

When we are born, we have our destiny written and born with us: how old we will live, when we will marry, how many children we will have, what will kill us, our wealth, our health..etc. Even our status. They say you create your own destiny but I believe there is only so much you can do. What triggered all this?

My maid's mother passed away and my heart ached when I saw her crying her eyes out. It must be so painful, losing someone you love, someone you consider to be your life and soul. Hearing her sobs and thinking, this could have been me, made my eyes so tearful and my throat constricted.

Poor woman, she has left her family to come and work. A stranger in a foreign land being paid peanuts for 18-hour shifts and barely any breaks. She has no friends and rarely goes out in this strange land.

She was born of a lower status and remained illiterate. The only job she could get is being a housemaid. Many dream of riches and start off small and eventually become filthy rich. Others waste their lives in vain and cannot change their poverty-stricken lives no matter what they do. God distributes his wealth amongst his people and he chooses who becomes rich and who remains poor.

I look at those poor people and I think I understand why some are angry and miserable. They want what I want but will never get it. If I were in their shoes, I would feel bitter, very bitter.

But then again, perhaps they are happy. Perhaps they are content with what they have been given. Perhaps they are not as greedy as I am and only care about their afterlives, not this life.

There's a reason God chooses these lives for us, and we do not always see the wiseness in his choice until later on.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Forgiveness

Forgiving others is not just a talent, but a great quality with many happy returns. We say we've forgiven others, but half the time we haven't had feelings of bitterness remain. Most remain hurt for a long time until some bigger tragedy comes and replaces the hurt. So, it never goes away but accumulates. No wonder half the people we meet are bitter, depressed, and unhappy.

Sami, I find it very hard to ever forgive you. I thought you were a great friend. How dare you insult me after you have been a guest in my house and eaten with me on the same table.

Yamantaka, I don't think I can ever forgive you or your mother. Because of your jealousy, you've caused more damage than you think.

Tdum & tdee, I've been nothing but nice to you, yet your jealous actions have hurt me so much and made me lose even more.

The Scorpions, please stop. Our friendship ended eons ago and there's no need for any more enemies or hurtful remarks.

The assistants, What did I ever do to you? I still don't get it.

Princess wannabe, I hope that one day you taste your own medicine and I hope that when you do it is bitter.

Barbie wedding crasher, grow up, and stop being so bitter and jealous.

Sal, you redefined the word jerk in all dictionaries.

Mrs. Chubby, you stole what was mine and added insult to injury. Why?

Miss Matt Bling, I can never forgive you. I've been nothing but supportive and helpful and friendly to you. I went out of my way for you and this is the thanks I get. Great.

Not that you care, but I'm finding it very hard to forgive you.  Let's hope I am able to with time, the greatest healer.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Gossip guyz/girls

"You're not going to believe what Helen has been up to lately. She's been having threesomes with a father and his son."


"Oh, that Sara, what a slut, sleeping around with a different guy every night"


"Course she's a HO, I've shagged her and I've got the pics to prove it."


"She's easy, trust me on this one"

" Oh my, always going to nudist beaches. Just waiting for an excuse to take off her clothes. Such a cheap person"

"Yeah, I can understand why she pimps herself"

"Don't you dare be seen with her in public, or else people will assume you're a HO too."


Reputation, reputation, reputation. Please leave her alone. She's a human being, not an angel. She's allowed to have made mistakes. She's innocent. It's all gossip. Its all exagerated prose. As if you lot are innocent. As if you have never sinned. And so what if she has sinned. Have you seen her sin with your own eyes? Only the Lord judges. And HE forgives and forgets. He has much more compassion than us mere beings. Learn to mind your own businesses and not judge, as you could end up in her shoes one day.

And remember, she's a human being after all. She could be your mother, sister, wife, daughter, cousin or the woman you love. And life has taught us that when you'll need help, 9 out of 10 times she will rush to be by your side.

Let her live, please. Only the Lord should judge and punish, or else we all would have been creators too, and what an unfair and unjust world that would have been.

I must dedicate this post to that ass Salem who speaks badly about everyone.  He has nothing good to say about anyone. 


Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Heartache by the moonlight

Whatever the incident, we've all been there when we should be falling asleep, but our brains won't stop working and pumping adrenaline. We focus on one specific, usually painful from the past incident, and picture it from 1000 different angles. What if I said this; what if I answered back; what if I backed out; what if I never showed up; what if I slapped her; those what if questions keep you awake and twisting and turning. And the heart starts acheing, and a few tears may stroll down your cheek. It's a horrible feeling because you're exhausted and you're dying to sleep, but the pain just won't go away.

What would you do?

1) Take a strong herbal sleeping pill and attempt to block it all out and go to sleep?

2) Wake up and call your closest companion and cry it all out?

3) Remain in the same position and cry till you crash and fall asleep?

4) Get up, pig out on junk food till you're stuffed then watch soppy/tragic movies and sleep with the sunset?

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

My facts

I sometimes find intimacy repulsive (yuk)

I enjoy literature.

I find pregnancy so scary.

I hate stretch marks.

I hate beer bellies.

I hate carrots.

I have sworn never to fall in love with any man.

I love myself above all.

I standard in attractive men is so high.

I am good at picking out gifts for my friends.

I enjoy popping over to Gloucester Gardens for a cuppa and cake.

I adore wearing jeans all the time.

I am obsessed with exfoliating and moisturizing from head to toe.

I love green salads.

I enjoyed Pride and Prejudice (BBC version) and Dangerous Liaisons.

I love interior design and wish I majored in it.

I am fed up with studying.

I read the newspapers every day.

I always wear ballerina flats.

I get jealous easily.

I love spas.

I enjoy traveling alone so much.

I love discovering new 'hidden' restaurants.

I'm addicted to the internet.

I'm devoted to Nokia.

I can swim but cannot dive.

I enjoy hosting events.

I have never baked a cake and don't know how to.

I hate being bored.




Till we meet again,
Sedeso

A one-man world

People have changed. Nobody cares about others anymore. Nobody lifts a finger to help others. When we cry, there isn't always a shoulder to cry on. When we need help at work, most of our colleagues will either feign a headache or being busy. If advice is needed, usually the wrong advice will be given simply to stop us from becoming more successful.

The world has changed since 1945. Countries got richer; economies prospered, poverty declined, and we have more millionaires than ever. Celebrities have now become the role-models instead of intellectuals. Skinny and anorexic is now the new healthy and anything above a size 10UK is considered fat. Students know less about the history and many drop out of school simply because it's not interesting enough.

It's all money and appearances. If you have the money, you will get places, have friends, and buy yourself a beautiful (fake) body. Everyone will want to become you. And if you're pretty, then more people will want to be seen with you and befriend you.

I've always been the one to get out of my way and help others. I've always enjoyed giving a helping hand. I find it very hard to say NO to anyone who needs me. As a result, I may have become a doormat (fair enough). But what hurts the most is that, when I have problems and look around me, there's barely anyone who is willing to return a favor or simply give a helping hand.

They say you should worry if your close friends are more than what can be counted on one hand. I have close friends and very close friends. I have 1 best friend only. So should I be relaxed?

So the next time I have a problem, I will attempt to solve it myself. It is after all a one-man-world.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

The signs

How can we tell if a good friend is depressed? What are the signs?

From another source. (www.clinical-depression.co.uk)

Signs of clinical depression:
a. Exhaustion on waking
b . Disrupted sleep, sometimes through upsetting dreams
c . Early morning waking and difficulty getting back to sleep
d . Doing less of what they used to enjoy
e. Difficulty concentrating during the day
f . Improved energy as the day goes on
g . Anxious worrying and intrusive upsetting thoughts
h . Becoming emotional or upset for no particular reason
i . Shortness of temper, or irritability



And here are the symptoms of depression:

1. You feel miserable and sad.
2. You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .
3. You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
4. You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess.
5. You feel very anxious sometimes.
6. You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
7. You find it difficult to think clearly.
8.You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time.
9.You feel a burden to others.
10.You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
11.You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do.
12.You feel irritable or angry more than usual.
13.You feel you have no confidence.
14.You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
15.You feel that life is unfair.
16.You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.
17.You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.'
18.You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical pain, such as back pain.


How many of these can you identify with? If you can tick off more than half, do not worry. Admitting it is the first step. Plus, about 45% of any random population are currently suffering from depression.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

J'adore Paris

I miss my student days in Paris so much. I miss warm fresh baguettes with chocolate inside. I miss lazing about by the canal and attempting to kayak. I miss the Bahraini boys who always came to my rescue. I miss those lil unknown boutiques and odd fashion finds. I miss the Paris sale season. I miss visiting the Louvre on weekends. I miss those antique bookshops that Sebastian showed us.
Paris, tu me manques beaucoup.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso