Persistence or Hopelessness in Prayers?

Lord,

Why won't you give me what my heart desires the most?  Why?  I just don't get it. You are much kinder than to refuse me a measly prayer, one repeated by every person who wishes me well.  Even The Nobleman asked you in Mecca to bless me with a good man. Imagine.  And yet, I wait and wait and wait and wonder if my prayers will ever get answered.

I do not wish to go to my grave without having accomplished one thing: to be happily married with babies.

Lord, listen to me, please.  Listen to my desperate prayers.  Please.

Lord, give me hope.  Give me a peek into the future, or any hint to calm my unsettled heart.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Burger ideas

A post dedicated solely to food.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Travel Companions????

So I've won that 2 night stays in Singapore and I have no clue when to go or whom I should take with me.

As much as I love The One, he is no fun travel companion.  He is lazy, stays up all night, sleeps all day long, and wastes the holiday away.

Queen B on the other hand may be an option but I still do not feel 100% comfortable around her. There is something I dislike about her and I cannot quite put my finger on it. 

Then there is H who can be very moody.  But to me, the best companion is Foz.  Hope I can make use of this trip before it expires.

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Food ideas for breakfast:
- Strawberry, oatmeal, yogurt and honey

A Smoothie

Yogurt, Strawberry and honey

 Yogurt, honey , pistachio on toast

Honey, Walnut and Pear

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

On Spirituality in the holy month

I don't know what it is about this month but it is easier to be more spiritual. Not a day passes by without me becoming tearful for one reason or another. It seems my heart has softened a lot.  I love walking to the mosque to perform my prayers.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

His Stinginess

Look.  I know I am not materialistic.  But I do expect realistically to be gifted on my birthday, Valentine's day and on major achievements.  

With time, his stinginess is becoming more apparent.  If I compared, my friends are being gifted expensively by their men, whilst I'm not getting gifts on those special occasions.  I know some women would leave a stingy man, but it's crazy because I love him way too much to leave for such a petty reason. 

All I asked for was an YSL mauve bag and I know it won't break the bank.  Ukh, doesn't he know that gifting increases love.  

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Constant Whispers

Things are slightly strange.  When I look at The One, I see something new.  Long gone are the days when I would look into his face and see familiarity.  He has lost weight true but could this be the only reason?  Am I being paranoid once more?  I have no clue.  And why is he still very stingy with me?

And why am I obsessing about being hitched to The One?  Why won't this idea just leave my mind for a while? This prayer has become a constant whisper followed by tears.  Why not and if so When?  Give me a sign God.  Please.
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Table settings:

Right now I need my mind to go to sleep and take a break.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

A More Stable Love

I love my man so much that I cannot imagine my life without him.  Our relationship has changed a bit, but most notably, we barely fight.  We speak to each other on more respectful terms and I obey him more.  I love this man with his good and bad.  I adore him.  What does this indicate?  Is our relationship boring, hence entering the danger zone, or are we in a comfortable mutually loving relationship?

I am very impatient and keep on wondering what the future holds.  I hope it's all good, pleasant, and fulfilling.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

More of his family

I find it slightly alarming how it has become easier for him to enclose more information about his familia to me nowadays.

Latest news in their household:

His brother's wife, who already has 2 kids, is currently pregnant with her 3rd child but is also careless with following a healthy diet is at the hospital because she is suffering from Pregnancy diabetes therefore his brother decided he cannot go to Abudhabi and my beau had to go instead and his mom had a go at her for not taking care of her health.

I ignored all else and my only interpretations were as follows:

- His bro's wife is suffering from pregnancy diabetes which means she could be overweight but not necessarily.

- his moma told her off for not taking care of her health which means she could be a strong scary woman, like a typical mother-in-law.

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Coveted item du jour

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

PS: The oddest of all events is receiving a phone call from the Nobleman from Umra with his family telling me that he did not forget me from his prayer and prayed to God Almighty that I get blessed with a decent husband.  Is he in love with me and denying it or am I as he claims a special person that he should always remain in touch with?

Yo Comro Esa Mujer - Always

My sobfest never ends.  Tears seem to be produced so naturally in never-ending quantities.  I read the holy book today, my official first day of fasting and got tearful with any mere mention of hope. matrimony and prayer as the answer to all.  HE shall test us in many ways but those patient ones shall find salvation at the end. 

And as much as I am dying to get hitched to The One, I fear that I am asking for something not meant to be because there is always a chance something better is written in my destiny. 

I still love The One though and wonder what the future holds.

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And more tears swell up in my eyes as I came across the biggest love story of all time, that of Alejandro Aldama and Anna Christina Montes De Ocha.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Affairs of the heart

So I finally got to meet BDR, H's friend.  For a first glimpse, may I say nice, very nice.  I was taken by his witty jokes and ease of conversing with people he's just met.

So many demonic thoughts came to my mind, even last night during my sleep.  What if this new person is who I shall spend the rest of my life with?  One never knows whom God has written in their destiny.  

But today, I ask myself: how easy it is to fall for someone else even though one may be in love with their partner?  It easier than I thought.  Or could this be a fling in the making? And I wonder for the umpteenth time, is The One as faithful as he claims to be?

You see, I know for a fact that if I were married to The One, no other man would appeal to me as a potential hence there would be my dedicated faithfulness.

Once again, I wonder what the future holds.  But for now, I love my man regardless of his shortcomings.

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NIce decorations:

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Depression takes another peak

What is going on?  My body is so tired even though I slept 7.5 full hours.  Why am I so exhausted?   Are these the aftermaths of my recent ill episode?  I must replenish my body with its lost fluids.

So today was the first day of the holy month and it didn't go too well.  For starters, I am on my period so I had a BK takeout at 4pm out of sheer anger. 

I tried to pinpoint the anger and I think it may be dues to the following reasons:

1) Bro being forgiven so easily by madre even though he gave us 4 years of tears and heartache.

2) I am drained because everyone keeps on dumping their problems on me and for some reason I don't do a good job of sieving it all through but I retain a lot of the pain and it hurts me.

3) My biggest annoyance is that there is no sign of matrimony with The One.  Will it happen?  Won't it happen?  This agitation is what is getting to me the most and draining so much excitement and enthusiasm out of my system.

I wonder what the future holds?

And just now, the flood of tears wouldn't stop when I read the following bb message sent by my colleague: للصائم عند فطره دعوة لا ترد and I wondered for the millionth time, why oh why my only prayer for the past decade has not been answered yet. 

Yesterday, I went to see my beau and wore the watch Agent 009 gave me.  I did that as a big hint of what sort of gifts I prefer to receive.  Mean I know, but I have concluded how he can be stingy with the wrong things.  I looked at him a few times whilst in his ride and he looked different to me, something in him has become alien to me, its like he was a different man somehow.  Am I right?  Or am I imagining things?  Or is the change that I have witnessed something being reflected from within me?  I don't know, but I feel something is odd and I cannot put my finger on it.  

But as always, regardless what major depression hovers over my life, I will not give up hope that I shall be happily married one day.  A few matrimonial ideas. 

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

I am being paranoid again and doubting my man's fidelity.  There is something in him that has changed.  He is more goal-oriented and insisting on becoming fit, hitting the gym daily.  I always wondered if people change once their good-looking factor goes up a notch.  Also, why didn't he call me at all on his way back and I know he is fasting but last year we remained in contact throughout the month when I was helping him find a flat in Central.  Once again, if it is meant to be then it will be.  I simply wonder what the future holds for me?