HE will make a way

So my day picked up for a plentiful of reasons.

I remembered my ex-workmate, Nikita's mama, who, being a devout christian was and still is one of the strongest believers in a more positive future.

I always shouted out loud: How will I do this? How will I accomplish that?

Her shouts back to me were: By God's Grace, HE will make a way.

Being away from her has slightly taken its toll on my positivity, my strong belief, and this has made me forget what should have been hammered into my brain and imprinted in my temporary-shaky faith.

HE will make a way.
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Dressed tacky, see.

It wasn't exactly comfy, slightly tight since I've put on about 3kg due to all the junk food I've been having lately. I should honestly do something about this constant pang of hunger. What void am I trying to fill? What emotional gaps am I trying to seal? It's one thing to have a healthy appetite and eat heartily but it's a totally other issues to eat like a pig. Hmm, wonder who coined that phrase.

It is uncool to eat as much as I do. Why is it that if something tastes good then I cannot control my inhibitions and eat it all up until I feel sick with regret? And why is it that after every gym session, I treat myself with food? I remember Oprah mentioning something about this 'bad' treat. Should yahoo it (ps, I prefer yahoo to google).

Mental note: speak to the therapist about this unstable relationship with food and get to the core of it.

Regardless of what tacky combo I've got on, I always adorn my hands with rings and bangles. Makes me feel so feminine.

Oh yeah, and something else I wondered about. How come I am not as obsessed about dressing up to the max all the time as most girls nowadays? I like to look pretty with minimal effort, au naturele. I do not color or highlight my hair. I do not overdo the glitz and glamour. I always opt for simple and chic outfits. My hair always looks cute and normal, not coiffured like those girls you see. I barely color my face with eyeshadow or colors, with the exception of my Mac rouge.

I know God gave many carats of charm and attractiveness which I should use to my benefit. Would I want to be drop-dead gorgeous and scare the male species away? I don't know, haven't made my mind up yet. But I still want to look even prettier hence the plan to pay a visit to 'that' clinic to see what work could be done.
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Chanel's Chance, eau fraiche, my addiction, my signature smell. Everyone starts sniffing me as I walk towards them. I usually am clueless when it comes to mixing perfumes, but this smell suits my pheromones.

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*quote*: A true friend stabs you in the front, Oscar Wilde
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I chased one of my dreams, literally. Whilst typing the night away, editing the MOU's, I got a sudden urge to go to their office, meet with the Executive Director personally and tell him what I wanted. That I wanted to present a paper at his event. And I did just that. I drove to their headquarters and bumped into him as soon as I exited l'acenseur. I told him why I was there and he felt slightly embarrassed. His face went red and I am sure it's because he remembered promising me that role last year. He told me stuff like: You're my daughter and I've trained you but you've come too late. I was slightly bummed. And I offered my help in case the rep they've chosen backed out at the last minute.

I felt proud of myself for chasing after what I wanted. And suddenly, it wasn't important anymore. If it worked out, then great. Kudos to me. If it didn't then it's okay, something better must be out there for me. What mattered the most is that I went after it, or drove after it, lol.

It doesn't matter what happens now. I have accepted whatever consequence will come out of this.
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Remember this song?
__________________ Went shopping very late and got so many stares, thank you very much for I didn't realize I looked this good. Nevertheless, should have suspected it when the director saw me and blurted out: The Moon is out early today.  Phew, am still HOT! 

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Now since all should be swell, what's with all these tears? When will the sorrowful fountains stop? I should be able to pinpoint the reason since as my therapist mentioned before the answer to everything is within each and every one of us. We should learn to look deep inside for some insight. How to stop it? Mental note: remember that it's okay to cry one's heart out. It's normal. ___________________________ 

What else? Oh yes, last week I witnessed some ungrateful children reject their mother and break her heart. Being there, and witnessing it firsthand was overwhelmingly heartbreaking. I am terrified of this ever happening to me. I won't be able to cope. I am the one who believes in unconditional love. I hate my sisters' classmates because they hurt her sometime in the past. She's over it, but I'm not. I offer unconditional devotion if anything. This is one reason God why I am worried about the future. ___________________________ 

Talking about mommies, it seems that I have a lot more of her in me than I anticipated. I seem to have inherited many of her strong qualities and the other ones. I am a natural worrier and it is exhausting. I wish I get a pinch of her patience for she is an angel sent to take care of us. Yet, I want to lead a different life. As an apple, I hope I fall further away from the tree. I'll explain this in another post. ___________________________ 

TWILIGHT was my highlight of the night. Peter facinelli is gorgeous. Yahoo-ed him. Voila.

Movies like this take my breath away momentarily. They consume me to an extent that for a short while after leaving the theater, I feel bored with life and want to live in a parallel universe where my life is a fairytale and I always get what I want. If you haven't seen it already, go watch it. Apparently, it does no justice to the book or even the whole twilight saga. So I'm planning on reading 'em all. I feel so sleepy now. 

Till we meet again, 

Sedeso

"Quote""live through this, and you won't look back" - stars .

motivate yourself. life can make you its personal punching bag. it wraps its fingers around your neck and presses in the center. it presses and presses until you're so close to suffocation. it feels like you won't make it through the day. the idea of tomorrow makes you sick because you can't see a light ahead. it seems like, the more you invest in, the bigger the risk in the end. sometimes you can feel like you're crawling through life instead of soaring like you should. you know those times when something weighs heavy on your mind . . . so heavy that it almost seems to be a REAL weight?

 

it's imperative that I tell you. PUSH forward. you can be going through one of the toughest times of your life, but maybe the point is for you to overcome it. maybe the point is for you to be able to say, "i got through it." The hardest times in my life have given me the greatest sense of accomplishment and wisdom. It can do the same for you. The most interesting people are only that because of their perspectives and experiences. If life was a mere walk in the park, that would be the only story we had to tell to the world. a damn walk. The most interesting people fought life back because of their strength. Ghandi has a story to tell. Mandela has a story to tell. 2pac had a story to tell. Lauryn Hill has a story. Kanye has a story to tell. Make your story. I'm not saying to look for trials, but don't stop living because they might arrive.

The question is not whether you'll pick yourself up from life's abuse. The question is "what will you be able to tell your grandkids about your triumph over life's adversity?"  "Unquote"