The Older friend

The older friend has been asking my Beau about me, over and over again, wondering when I will be coming back from Paris. 

Apparently, he said I'm sweet and nice and kind and also wondered about my mixed blood and possible Iraqi roots which I somehow got offended by.  My beau was angry that I took offense but I calmed him down by insisting that I am glad he is asking about me which can only mean that I left a very good impression. 

And now I am even more convinced that I left a good impression and that he actually is intrigued by me (after having discussed it with mom too). 

I simply wonder how this will evolve, but most importantly, my beau introduced me to somebody from his side.  That's good news, right?  Even if it took him 2 years to do so. 

________________________________

He told me his ex came from a certain Arab family so I googled them and thank God I'm a lot prettier than most of them put together.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Bedouins

My infatuation with Bedouins is growing by the day because of my current beau. I love their physique: dark, rugged, good-looking but manly in every way.  Their pores ooze manliness and they over pump testosterone, mamma mia.  Love ém right now. Just LOVING THEM!!! I keep an eye out for anything remotely bedouin-looking when I go out that Nilofar finds it hilarious and prays to God that I do end up with one just for the sake of it.

I'd rather not get into the extremes I am doing just to get more info about the people I hope and wish and will become my in-laws. For if I do this, then you may think me slightly mad and I stress on the 'slightly' bit.  I know of crazier individuals who are going beyond extreme measures like old aunt K. I'm only googling and wikifying.  

It turns out my beau belongs to a well-known, well-off family. They have a bloody roundabout named after them.  When I found out I was intimidated and asked the Universe why I was created of a lesser status.  But slowly, I regained my confidence and reminded myself that I am truly individual in every way.  I have a humungous heart that will smother my future in-laws and family with devoted unconditional love.  The people in my life love me and constantly remind me of how loveable and sincere I am.  Hadooi, bless her told me a few days ago:  أنتي الإنسان يحبج لأن عشرتج حلوة .

All this brings me to ask myself: if I stripped his name away and gave him a Tunisian or Egyptian name, would my feelings for him be any less?

At this stage, I'd say no, but knowing myself well enough by now, I am certain that it will strain my relationship somehow and I may disrespect him during the conflict.  See, I am nowhere near the end of my self-healing process and still require to dig deeper. 

As much as I am tempted to beg the All-Mighty to hitch me to a Bedouin, the saner part of me is reminding me that marrying a Bedouin is not an insurance of happiness. I should instead ask for a decent faithful man who will love me regardless and always respect me. That's why my prayers are dedicated towards a mutually exclusive love marriage, regardless of age, race, ethnicity, and family name.  I dislike certain ethnicities but at the end if it is meant to be then nothing I do will change that.  Not even strong black magic. 

Will you God?  Pretty Please.  Will you grant me all that my heart desires?
______________________________
Cool Versace Furniture

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

PS: I've been constructing his family tree from google and I admit that I am really really good at finding out information AKA stalking.  Which teaches me another thing about myself.  I love searching for information and finding clues and piecing them together. Are all women like this? 

A reasonable high .....

I hit rock bottom last week.  2 days after I came back from visiting my beloved, I got angry again for there was no sign of matrimony, a happily ever after future together.  Mom was feeling down too, on the verge of tears, burdened by what life has dumped on her shoulders in the absence of a support system.  I was also angry for giving into intimacy because it is morally and religiously wrong.  So I cried, cried, and sobbed even stronger. 

I felt so down, and the tears kept pouring.  They just wouldn't stop.  I cried forcefully, trying to squeeze the pain out of me.  I stopped for a split second and asked myself: what am I trying to cry out of my system?  And I went quiet again and contemplated giving up on everything and becoming a potato couch.  But funnily enough, the though of giving up on my education slapped some sense back into me and I thought to myself: fine, I'll work hard for 1 more semester then I'll give up on everything.

But of course, as we have learned by now, the universe works in mysterious ways and it is always mocking me. ALWAYS!!

So first, I get approval to travel on an official visit to attend a summer lunch in the Palace.  How cool is that?

Next, I get my grades out and it's a high distinction, even higher than what I deserve.

Then I attend a simple yet enjoyable wedding.

A high school mini gathering takes place last weekend.

And I end my weekend with my shimmy shimmy class where I'm getting better by the day.  Even my sudden shyness of performing solo for a 1 person audience is slowly diminishing.

I am sure that I have a life that many people envy.  And I agree wholeheartedly.  But as a mere human being, I want more. 

I just wonder what my future holds.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Banoota tears up

Interesting n'est ce pas?Do people get influenced by random bloggers online.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

A Mother's Desperate Cry

Mother dearest teared up today and said: I don't care about anything else. All these problems piled up can be forgotten. When will you come up to me and tell me: " Mom, I am getting married."

God, are you not listening? Can you not see her in pain? Why are you giving everyone else all that their heart desires except us? WHY? Dumbo married a beautiful girl in a fairytale setting. Gazelle married a big shot in a fairytale setting. Her business is getting bigger and she is getting richer. Everyone around me has a stable home life except us. Moonie just becomes more stunning by the day.

What about me? What have you given me to make me happy? NOTHING.

All it will take is for you to take your magic wand, point at my blessing and give it to me.

Are you not listening?

Maybe I am not getting my wishes through clearly.

I AM TIRED OF WAITING and I am unable to take my mind off this subject.

I am exhausted from thinking. My head hurts. I just want to sleep.

And if you insist on not giving me anything, then atleast make my mother happy. Grant her what she wishes for she has suffered enough on this earth.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

PS: I am grateful for midnight bb chats with my siblings.

"Quote"  the boobie-trap .

the wammy .

the ambition that blinds us to the full extent of ignorance.

the idea of 'bride'.

little girls staring at their mother's wedding pictures. little girls talking about the themes they want for their big day. most of the time they were tacky little ideas that never made any sense. BUT, these initial hopes of a happily ever after were only pitch black glasses that we wore while driving through life.

women idolize the idea of a wedding more than the idea of being married to another human being. A wedding should never overshadow the union between two people. Girls look forward to the 'display' of happiness that they don't focus their energy on finding the right person. Wedding gowns, bridesmaids, venues, the perfect shoes, and color schemes . . . I honestly feel like 80% of women would say yes to a marriage proposal because of their wedding ambitions (as opposed to being in unconditional love). Nothing wrong with having a dream wedding and finally living out the dream of your childhood. Nothing is wrong with wanting a marriage. They're both beautiful things. I just wish that people held both the wedding and marriage in the same esteem.

ME, I'm more excited about my cake than i am about my wedding lol . (dont judge me, im working on it lol ). My friends say that ive never been a person who believed in the "L" word or the "M" word . nonsense. i believe in both, maybe even more than them lol. However, i like to include the variable that everyone else is too scared to . TIME. overtime, the concepts of love and marriage have changed. I know people who say, "yea, I'll probably be married twice" . WTF ? who aspires to divorce? With that being said, i just think REAL Marriage and Love are two rare commodities & they deserve to be approached with care and patience?

 

don't shoot the messenger. she's just a nostalgic romantic? "Unquote"

What an Arab Poetesse? wants

Dita Von Teese, what a beauty.___________________________

‏​تبي حرمه؟

وأنا مثلك أبي رجّال

يشد حبال ظهري إليّا البَخَتْ خانه

تبي حرمه؟

شعرها ليل وعينٍ كنّها الفنجال

وقّدٍ أهْيفٍٍ ميّال

وأنا مثلك أبي رجّال!!

قليل أقوال

وإذا ينطق يقطّر حِكْمه لسانه

أبيه أفعال..

وأفعاله تتم بليل كتمانه

تبي حرمه؟

وأنا مثلك أبي رجّال

ماهوب تمثال..مكون من شنب وعقال

وثوب يسحبه خلفه..عجز في كيّه الغسال

أبي رجّال

له مبدأ،له أفكار تلخبطني

وضلعي المعوج إليّا مال..

يعرف شلون يضبطني

أبي رجّال

لا شفته...

تذكرت العظيم اللّه

وذكرت النار والجنة

أبي لي شاعرٍ عذري..له احساس يغرقني

وهمٍّ به يأرقني..شعور الشخص في عينه

أبي رجّال!!

ماهو شاطئ ولاهو رمال

ولا بزنس ولاهو رِيال..ولكنّه

هموم أمة

وكيف نفوز بالقمة؟

وكيف نربّي الأجيال

نخلي بنتنا أنثى

ونخلق في الولد رجّال

تبي حرمه؟

وأنا مثلك أبي رجّال

يشد حبال ظهري إليّا البَخَتْ خانه

كثيرة بدنيتي الأزْوال

ولكن{ قليل بينهم رجال!

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Post-Trip Feelings

Sereen Abdelnoor.____________________________

I came back from my third visit to my beloved with an intense feeling of depression. It felt so surreal to be back and be all by myself. I cannot for the life of me comprehend why God has brought me so close to the perfect man yet so far from matrimony since he still insists he does not want matrimony.

I spent the whole of yesterday asking God over an over again: why not me? Why do you give everyone I know a blissful marriage and not me? I yearn to have a family of my own and I look forward to the stretchmarks and sleepless nights. I am ready God, and you know this better than anyone.

i always said i wanted someone that had an actual connection with my soul . i wanted someone that "got me" : my sense of humor, my intelligence, my drive . it's crazy how you ask God for something, and when you get it ... you realize that you needed a bit more . there's this nauseating feeling when this happens, like you're being a brat at Christmas because your parents got you the wrong Cabbage Patch Kid -[even though you never told them which kind to get] -. Nevertheless, these instances are God's way of giving lessons . We think we know what we need SO BADLY and God shows us what's real .....by Vivi's Humanity Expanse

Coming back to my trip, my verdict is this: it was not perfect but if anything it brought us closer to each other. I became very rude for the first time cursing him and wishing upon him problems in moments of sheer anger (remember that I was pre-menstrual). But atleast he understood my frustration when I finally opened up about our current financial situation. He keeps repeating to me that there is no point in hiding anything since he is convinced he already knows everything there is to know about me. I secretly laugh because there are mountains that he is not aware of about my life. There is still so much that he does not know and will never know.

What does the future hold for me? Me not know at all. I am clueless and as each month approaches, everything remains a big question mark. I wonder what the future holds.

"Quote" He explained that there was a time when he was my age and he had a dream . He said in his dream, everything was blank & he felt as if his future was empty ... a story yet to be told . He told me that my future was "blank" (and kept asking me if i understood which kind of annoyed me lol) . He told me, "Yoo do note know who yoo vwill marry, how many keeds yoo vwill ave, ohre wvat career yoo wvill ave . Do not plan, just live mah dahrling." "Unquote"

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

"Quote"yes, love is graffiti of the heart .

it leaves it real, rococo impression on your vessel of emotion and vulnerability . love sprays calm blues, passionate reds, and mournful blacks on your heart . The person who has your heart does not keep it in their pocket . NO. They unknowingly leave their mark . When they kiss you and your knees buckle, a stroke of spray paint has been left on your heart . Every time they are honest and open with you, a stroke of spray paint is ran across your heart . When they count what's theirs as YOURS , wrists spray on your heart . If they lie , cheat, deceive, or manipulate . . . i like to think an ugly black blob is spilled .

when a girl has too many black blobs on her heart , the gentleman with the yellow paint . . . ready to spray cheer & joy cannot be seen beyond the dark . if you spray enough, it will come through . . . but it takes time . The truth is, if a guy cares enough . . . he'll invest the time, the paint . The rules would be fair if only a 'true love' were allowed to mark up our hearts . Unfortunately, anyone we give our heart to ... leaves their own legacy on our lives .

It's all about the paint perspective . How do we perceive graffiti ? is it beautiful because it doesn't sugar coat ? is it beautiful because it is found on the most unorthodox of surfaces ? Do we find it ugly because it isn't in our art textbooks ? Maybe you perceive your love as a Picasso piece ... admired, analyzed, found in the canon of 'typical' .

Me ? I'll take my chances on graffiti . The kind of love that tells a story worth listening to . "Unquote"