Day 1 has passed. What concepts of Happiness was I able to interpret. Am I able to define Happiness yet? Or do I have a long way to go?
I realize at this stage my goal is unclear, so to make life easier it shall be as follows: to explore happiness.
So what emotions did I explore yesterday?
Maisa Magrabi. I hate her and her stunning looks. She came on ADTV 1 and I got green and grey with Envy for 2 reasons: She is a Stunner and she is Moroccon, a favorite of our men. [Insert FWD 2021: Kido you're so funny and your self esteem was so so low and BTW Maisa looks like a tranny]
And I felt Anger towards The One for considering her beautiful. I was also slightly Frustrated because he never made me feel Beautiful like Agent 009 always did, no matter how hard I tried and how much effort I put into my looks and outfits.
At the same time, I reminded myself of the word Happiness so I picked myself up and went to the salon for a mani change. I thought perhaps a mani would add happiness to my life and it somehow did make me feel better. Beautifully manicured nails improve the mood.
Also, before heading for the mani, I followed up on his nephew's papers. A chore yes, but it makes me feel good knowing that he relies on me in so many things and this could be a means of my becoming irreplaceable to him. Knowing this makes me happy.
In the evening when I neglected to call him due to being busy, I felt his jealousy. He even asked if I had somebody new on the scene. I denied of course. And funnily enough, I did not feel good making him jealous. It actually made me slightly frustrated.
Therefore on my first day, I conclude that certain things add to my positive feeling and perhaps happiness such as: having cash in my bank account, having a manicure, beauty treatments, wearing clean ironed clothes, having clear skin that oozes healthiness, and most importantly, having a man in my life whom I have strong feelings for and who so far feels mutually about me.
I also would like to admit that I prefer being in a relationship to a singleton status like most people I know.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
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