Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Or so I've always thought.
But today, another light bulb went on in that weird head of mine. Somewhere in there, there is a sensible voice that occasionally speaks out to me and it's comforting. That voice inside my head said: Opportunity happens when it is least expected and when you are least prepared.
Made me think of how much time over the past 6 years I've wasted, browsing interior design magazines and mentally imagining how I will furnish my first property. I have been preparing and preparing and preparing and come December 2008, I still haven't bought that property. On the contrary, I've blown away most of my savings on whatnot.
So I should throw those design digests away. Forget about the property until I am able to buy it. With the recession, I hope something gets worked out before I hit 30, ding dong!!
What about all the others? I believe I have spent my whole life, ever since I was 5 (yes, since kindergarten) preparing myself, mentally, physically, and emotionally to find that one person and be consumed by him.
When I was 5, I learned how to send a sexy fly-kiss, from the movies of course. Actually, I had my first crush then, in Kindergarten. It was a blond, blue-eyed boy called Alaa, who was crying because mommy just left him. Who the hell has a crush when they're 5?
In grade 1, it was Abdo.
In grade 3 in was Peter.
In grade 4 it was Nicholas.
In grade 5 or 6 it was the boy from the powder milk advert.
and on and on and on it went. Remember the 2 men I fell in love with just 2 weeks ago?
I have always been crushing on men of all ages, thinking he's the one. (remember that I lust for these men (not love them in that literal sense) and most, if not all, are unaware about my feelings let alone my existence).
Love, love love. It was forever there at the back of my head. With every step that I took, I unconsciously made the decision based on its impact on my life.
I studied and excelled to make my future spouse proud of the intelligent woman he will get linked to. I learned foreign languages and learned to act and dress properly just to one day become the perfect Stepford wife. You got my point?
Could it possibly be that my whole existence has been based on a person I may never meet? Is this the true meaning of my life? If it is, then I am appalled at myself. I think I'm kind of sad.
Loving this, studded bed. It's Adrian Grenier's.
Till we meet again, Sedeso
PS: I will wait in hope that somebody out there reading my blog will reassure me that there's more of me in the world and that my behavior and thinking are common.
PS: I will wait in hope that somebody out there reading my blog will reassure me that there's more of me in the world and that my behavior and thinking are common.
2 comments:
The way society functions these days, I guess what you are going through is quite normal. On the outside most of us seem happy because of abundance of material wealth around us, but I guess from inside almost all of us are sad or perhaps restless. I think we spend so much time planning & working towards our goals, believing that achieving those goals would give us happiness. But when we reach that point, we find that it has not given us the happiness we longed for. So what do we do? We set ourselves another higher goal, and the cycle continues.
But all this effort for what when you don't give yourself the time to truly enjoy the fruits of your labour? Perhaps you need a break :-)
Dubai Guy, This is one of my current fears, that life passes by me so quickly, and then one day I look around, find that I haven't even enjoyed myself or my current successes. But, if I don't keep on planning and moving forward, I could miss out on alot of opportunities, especially that I am only this young and dedicated once.
I do need a break and what a pity that Paris got cancelled.
Merci.
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