To Cheat or Not To Cheat?

That is the question.

Opportunities for infidelity on my side are limited but not extinct. There's the blast from the past that is lurking behind the scenes, occasionally getting in touch to check on me.

I've always rejected those approaches even at times of desperation and loneliness. The main reason I rejected these approaches was the feeling of disgust.  That's not who I am at all.

My man has this filthy look on his face. This look which horny men get before deciding to bang anything remotely female. He claims the number is 40, maybe more. My therapist insists that this number is an exaggeration. She estimates atleast 10 women less than what he claims.

There is a part of me that is very angry,. If he has banged this many women, he doesn't deserve to be with me. I know that he claims to be a changed man but isn't it the case that a leopard never changes its spots?

I am tempted to get even. I was tempted to get even today and contact the blast from the past. But something, perhaps its the voice of reason within me that is holding me back, and slowing me down. This voice is echoing: "you can get even but not yet. He hasn't given you any reason to get even. He's done nothing but be a good man. So hold it. There is no point in getting even with ghosts from the past."

This voice of reason tries but soon afterward, the anger comes back.

Had I passed by him on the street any day, or had I been briefly introduced to him, I would have imagined him with an ordinary girl. Someone has probably chosen by his mother and sisters to be an obedient wife.

"Quote" The truth of the matter is, one person's trash is another person's treasure  "Unquote"

Now, this matter is trifling. If I am confident enough in most aspects in my life, then why the hell am I insecure about every single female he might have come across? Especially 3oraib?

Till we meet again,
Sedeso