False Alarm

It's not over, phew.  I bb éd him asking: is it really over?  His reply was: you're the one who keeps repeating let's break up. We are okay, we're back together now even though m.hai promises me that he has another lady stashed on the side whereas the fortune teller always promises my mother that he loves me and no other (a rhyme, haha).  In response to mhai I must quote and unquote:

"they say, "you should never let a man complete you". mmm, can he start me ? in all honesty, the undying burning in my soul starts and ends with you, my love. my mind is tiptoeing around the memory of your essence, careful not to crush the passion-colored eggshells of our romance. but I never liked the light, balanced dance of a tip-toe. I'm more of a lambada type of girl & that started with you.

they say, "never give your heart away, they might break it". I keep superglue in my handbag for emergencies. in contrast to the timid heart quotation above, a heart kept alone is malnourished in life. it never has the chance to grow tough skin. the beaming bliss of soaring in love is worth the pain if I fall to the ground. you can sign my affection-caused cast when I pick myself up to love again . a heart is priceless, and even though it is sometimes sold in the black market for cheap . . . its capabilities and its strength are often underestimated.

they say, "love is blind". [smirk], well I trust you to guide me. is that not love? being able to close your eyes in life and trust that your counterpart will take your hand? lead you through the adversity? they say that people in love cannot see. they can, but they choose to close their eyes ... at least I do. the memory of you warms me in my coldest hour . the thought of us can bring the world to its knees.

"they" do not know you. "
__________________________________________

It is true.  When the going gets tough, my first instinct is to pull away and ditch it all.  I will not refer to myself as a fighter but time has shown my tendency to persist when I deeply know my goal is semi-achievable.

I am confused about an issue and I am not sure which school of thoughts to abide by.  Firstly, there is the Islamic belief that your whole life is written, what you will do, who you will become, how successful you are to be, whether you are to marry and who you will end up with.  If this is the case then why should we bother chasing dreams and wanting things that are not meant to be ours?

Then there is the conflicting belief "لا يغير القضاء إلا الدعاء ".  So if I pray and pray and pray and beg, even more, will destiny re-write itself and grant me what I deeply and hopelessly dream of?

And then came the international phenomenon: The Secret, which puts you in charge of your own destiny and allows you to play god in your own life. If my life is the result of my thoughts then I'll forsake religion and think happy thoughts and plan my life accordingly.

I am still confused.  I want certain things from life and day by day I am able to draw them more accurately. Should I let go of my dreams and let life surprise me or should I persist in my prayers?

Me know not.

Sedeso, please be happy.  You have a lot going on for you.  You are healthy, you have a great job, your degree is nearly over and you have a man you only dreamed of ever meeting.  So count your blessings and stop being so greedy and let the future sort itself out for you.

_____________________________________

A Blanco wedding which mom would love but I'm not sure I will like.

"Quote"

So many people are going through the same type of dilemmas all of the time & unfortunately, I'm no exception. My problems simply aren't that huge. No matter what happens, God is going to see me through and protect me and ill be okay. No matter what happens, God will never forsake me and I'll grow stronger and wiser from every experience. I'm no longer worried, I'm no longer scared, I'm just counting it all joy & excited to see what life has in store . . .

"Unquote"
 
Till we meet again,
Sedeso