Saw one of my siblings yesterday at the old gym. I stared at her right to her face and felt angry. She just turned her face in the other direction and left the gym after chatting with some girls without resuming her workout. I was slightly offended, upset and wondered to myself whether my immediate family will remain divided for the rest of my life. You see 2 of my siblings chose to ditch madre and live with the extremely religious, and confused father with his new wife. They have cut themselves off from madre's side of the family which is the only family who cares. So assuming my father passes away one day, who will be left for them? A stepmother? No aunts? No uncles? No grandparents? No social and loud siblings? No mother?
I have been watching myself more closely than I used to, especially my thoughts and my reactions. I am trying to be aware of my existence. When I saw my sister I got angry and was partly glad that she is away, that she has chosen the other more miserable side.
Which makes me wonder, since we are all connected by invisible bloodlines, could I have been a reason for the split or for pushing them away? Because if this is the case, then I have a lot more strength than I realized.
In the end, I am sure this is the universe cooking my pot and working in mysterious ways.
Sedeso
PS: something is eating at me and I feel anxious and slightly agitated. Could an emotion or trigger possibly be struggling to escape?
PPS: When it comes to matrimony, I just wonder what the future holds. I do realize though that I still am struggling to let go and must put my faith and trust in God and the Universe.
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