When will I be superfit?
When will I be beautiful enough that my looks take people's breath away?
When will I get hitched to the man I love mutually back if not more?
Yes please, let me be and let me live. I need to stop this cycle. This cycle of happy, then miserable might be the ruin of me and the best relationship I ever had. My man is getting sick of it too. But what I have to be grateful for is that atleast one small prayer I have asked God for I got. I have always asked God to grant me a very patient man, some who can stand my ups and downs because unlike my family who are stuck with me, very few people can cope with all my energy. And if anything, I am with a very patient man.
Yes dear reader, I have had another fit, but this time,it was unnecessary and I could have easily avoided it. Why do I unknowingly create such problems? Why can't I be happy with him and make him happy in return.
Could my mother's last night rant about my singleton status be the trigger? Could be, because everytime she mentions matrimony, which has become a weekly topic, my emotions go haywire and I end up first upset, then tearful and finally angry at God for giving me the thing I crave the most.
Growing up with Mill's and Boons Novels, I've always known that I am not the one to marry for the sake of marriage itself. I am the one who needs to fall head over heels in love with someone before committing to a lifetime of sheer bliss. I remember Carlito's words: not to marry unless I am deeply in love and totally consummated by it. And now I have found this love and I do not comprehend for the life of me why God won't just hitch us up.
Dear God,
I look around around and all I see are happily married couples. Or I see 'unworthy' people getting exactly what they want and when they want it.
A book entered my life at the right time. The forty Rules of Love it is called. And Lately I have been feeling like the Leper, who keeps asking God why he is so unfair.
All in all, I am unsatisfied right now. My mind won't stop thinking and I don't know how to make it stop.
Dear God,
When will I get married and live happily ever after? That is the only question I have for you. And keep in mind that nothing else you plan to give me will make me happier than matrimony.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
PS: I leave for the Palace in 4 days and I'm not that excited about it.
PPS: I have a wedding to attend in Lebanon in July and I only dream of going there with HIM.
PPPS: I won a package stay in Singapore for 2 days but that didn't make me excited.
Don't you get it? Nothing will bring me happiness but being his wife and one and only.
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