Insecurities...

Ever since I discovered the blog:  http://steviwonderwoman.blogspot.com/ , I have been immersed in thought simply because it's as if the blog writer was speaking directly to me.  She is a 19-year-old black American lady who has lost her mother to cancer.  To render her soul as beautiful would be an underestimation because I believe she is more than that.  The wisdom of her 19 years of age surpasses any that I have come across.  She is 10 years my junior but her personality outshines mine by miles.  This reminds me of what Nawaz S mentioned in that blog:  

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From her blog:

INSECURE (adj): Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety.

insecurity is an ugly word that no one wants to admit to themselves. unfortunately, this word is primarily associated with women. women are the ones who cry at night about the weight they have gained. women are the ones who say twisted things like, "what does she have that I don't have?!" however, if you think those are the only things that constitute insecurity, you are devastatingly mistaken my friend.

men's insecurity is also revolting. men who verbally abuse their women to make themselves feel superior. men who cheat because they're scared of getting cheated on. men who brag about their sexual activity to their friends. even worse, the men who LIE to their friends about the sex they get. (BTW, just because you get a lot of sex ... that does NOT mean that you were good. I have heard many of women laugh about guys and their lack of skill and/or equipment, eek) . nevertheless. there are two subtle, but VITAL types of insecurities that people have ...in both genders :

$$: before our race, our school, our frats/sororities, and our popularity ... we are a soul. that's the rawest thing that we have about ourselves . . our soul is the thing that we are born with, but also the most easily influenced thing. many people are so unsatisfied with their true personality .. therefore, they paper mache it with money. layer after layer, they lay label after label until they don't have to face who they are. don't get me wrong, fashion is cool; nothing wrong with wanting to look good. however, everyone knows "that someone" who has nothing better to talk about but their clothes & shoes; money they made, smh.

I admit that I can be a very insecure person at my worst.  If I weren't insecure about myself, I would not have cared about his past and the girls, Faye and Ibti.  Had I been more confident and secure his silly comments about my hair, skin, weight, and style would not have bothered me the least bit.  Which makes me think that he purposely tries to crush my soul and throw stones at my shaky security to feel good about himself since he knows that I am way out of his league.  Oh Lord, this makes me doubt whether we make a good match or not. 

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♥ ♥ ♥ : relationships are meant to be used for an exclusive bond, not as validation. there are so many men and women who NEED to be in relationships to make them feel worthwhile. they need to prove to the world (or perhaps just themselves) that they are wanted and needed by someone else. you know the type: they constantly slip from one relationship into another, into the next ...sometimes the relationships even overlap lmbo . & these relationships don't mean shxt , they're just placed fillers. they can't face being alone because that would force them to face a mirror, to depend on no one but themselves. fact: the ultimate validation is God.

we all have insecurities ... BUT don't let them drive your life into the ground. watch yourself.

Till we meet again,

Sedeso