Project Happiness: Day 98

2 days left till this project ends and I will then have to sit with myself and reflect upon it.  I am impressed with myself and surprised that I actually went through with the idea and did not give up halfway through.  Thank you Lord.  This is also another thing I have noticed about myself lately: a little bit more perseverance.  Now, although this is a quality known about Aries, I know that I get bored of things very easily and quickly and have a tendency to stop acting on something that won't give me fast results.  Are relationships included?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  But atleast I also continued with reading the holy scriptures.  So I have come far enough. Once again, Lord I am grateful.  I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.   

Day 98 coincided with a Monday and that means Interior Design Class.  Class was good and my skills with Autocad are improving majorly.  Even the dude in class gave me CD's to download and work on Autocad at home.

With regards to Cutie pie, who is apparently getting attached to me, I am not really sure.  So far he appears to be a safe enough man, simple enough with strong morals and ethics but how come he says he is attached to me.  Either that he really is or he is simply faking it.  Something tells me he is kidding himself into believing that he has gotten attached to me already. 

So, I'm planning and planning and planning and the outings should go great.  I've invited too many people but knowing how things often go half of them will probably back out with silly excuses last minute. 

I don't know what is going on.  I am tired, bored, excited, anxious, agitated and......a mixture of emotions.  It is a slightly heavy burden I am carrying on my shoulders.  Let's hope it resolves by itself and I am able to bring a lot of joy to myself and the people around me.  

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Fashion that I like.

 I simply Love JLO's dress sense:

 

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 97

Day 97 coincided with a Sunday, only 3 days left for the end of this project and closer to the new year than I imagined.  It is always a day in the far future that approaches us so suddenly and is so close upon us in the split of a second. 

Being a Sunday, I had no plans in the afternoon so I decided to join M, Sam, and her mother at WW.  It seems that a lot of tension has risen lately since Sara told her mother about wanting to commit to Neil - the Irish boy and marry him.  Boy, do I envy Sam for she has found love in her life worth committing to. 

I got so excited because The One called me right before I entered WW.  I panicked but decided to remain seated in the car only to chat with him.  Had I not been this much in love with him, I would have ignored his phone call like I do with others and called back later but I am too attached, simply too deep.  Actually, I will admit that although my feelings are too deep I still do have a small level of control, just a small one which is good enough for now.  

So this man must still care enough if he still calls and asks and chats.  He always asks about what's new, as if I am a source of information.  But think about it, he doesn't really need me for any of that, he could easily get his information elsewhere.    

The outing was a good one.  It was a lot of fun and we ate lots of good food.  That's one thing I like about WW.    

I got lots of stares, way more attention than I am used to.  Could it be that the majority were male visitors?  Or was it the lack of females on that specific day?  Or the more sensible explanation would be that I have been getting a lot of attention all my life and it is only now that I have noticed it.  It is only now that my eyes have opened up to the life surrounding me, to the people crossing my path. 

So after discussing with M the New Year's celebration plans, I decided to go ahead with it and arrange for  2 gatherings: one on Wednesday and another on Friday.  This way, more people will be able to attend.  I look forward to the outings.

So close to the end of this project, I can easily say that Happiness is a frequent visitor into my life.

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Bridal Inspo:

Till we meet again,

Sedeso

PS:    Thank you Lord for I am blessed.   

Project Happiness: Day 96

Day 96 coincided with the last Saturday of 2010, a year I can easily refer to as happy since I had the best and most stable relationship with the most amazing man, compared to previous accounts.  Since it was the weekend after Christmas, Saturday was off, hence there was no shimmy class.  A change, a nice one where I could relax on a Saturday.  

And of course I am still very annoyed with the maid so I totally ignored her as she cleaned.  I didn't even utter a single word.  I truly believe in the silent treatment being very effective and the better option.

So I hit the gym instead of shimmy with a good workout where I concentrated on my abs.  That sure was a painful workout.

At home, I watched GG before sleeping, a favorite thing to put me to sleep.  The only ones suffering are my poor eyes.
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Am extravagant wedding in Kuwait City:

Too tacky for my taste, lol.

Till we meet again,
Ssedeso

Project Happiness: Day 95

Anne Kay simple designs with good quality material.

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Day 95 coincided with A Friday.  I had a fallout with the nannies who are getting on my nerves too much.  I had to involve a family member because she was being too rude and it was getting out of hand.  I was so tempted to just get a stick and hit my anger onto her but that would be just wrong, so wrong.  As much as I try to justify their behavior I do understand it but am too angry about it.  I am aware of all those anger pangs that come over me and I am trying my best to control them and manage my sense of control somehow.  It is true that they eat at me and annoy me so much but I am trying to rise above it all and I know that I am moving so fast forward and evolving to become the ultimate self. 

I then went with Madre and siblings to see snag our newest property and it felt good knowing that regardless of how bad the financial market may get, at least we own properties to fall back on. I must remember what God has bestowed upon us every time I hit rock bottom with depression.   

Madre was not happy at all that I had Chai and paratha on our way there but it is my latest addiction.  It is heavy, full of oils and fat but delicious when devoured warm. 

I lunched with my family and felt so uncomfortable being in the kitchen, the nannies territory but in the long term they will leave and I will stay so screw them.  I then went with my sis to the cinema even though I was pretty exhausted.

I thought that perhaps cutie pie is playing hard to get since I won't give him much face but it's okay.  It's absolutely fine considering that he is not a priority in my life. 

I chatted with the Rover guy who is okayish but not my type at all.  He is simply a pastime for now.  I told him off for his cheesiness and he automatically reverted to the opposite character: one that asked me to pray before sleeping.  Gosh, what a loser.  Seriously.  With most men, religious talk is a way of trying to convince the other party of their piety.  Whatever!! I am wise enough not to fall into such traps anymore. 

I went to sleep by 2am, a luxury I allow myself over weekends since I won't be waking up early the next day.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 94

Day 94 coincided with a Thursday, which meant I had an Interior Design Class.  And since it was a long and tiring week for me, I decided to ignore cutie pie's pleas, took a panadol, and slept early.  The headache was too strong and I simply had to sleep.  Now had it been The One, I never would have ignored him simply because I adore this creature but with this newbie, I had to take action and take control.  I am happy that I am more in control of whatever the end result will end up being.  And because I am so in control there is no way I will lose myself.  Anyways, so far, no man measures up to The One.

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And I also want a new evening clutch and a new wallet.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 93

On Day 93, positivity came my way

The Highlight of my day and week and even month was seeing The One.  It came as a total surprise.  He called me about 6:00pm asking what I was up to.  I told him nothing much.  I was of course in my gym gear planning a mild workout but said that it wasn't confirmed.  He chatted randomly then asked to meet up for half an hour since he had a wedding to attend.  I didn't mind at all and got dressed as fast as I could thankful that I had washed my hair the previous night.  I wore a pretty dress, did my face and let my hair down.  I put body mist, body sprays on top of the body cream for the extra nice smell and I rushed to meet at our usual spot not forgetting the 7 incents sets I bought him as a gift for his sisters.    

He gifted me perfume and Oud which surprised me.  I was expecting the Oud since he mentioned once that he had ordered it for me.  

He even got the perfume wrapped.  Afterwards, I felt slightly bad because I neglected to acknowledge the fact that he wrapped the gifts and put them in a nice bag.  I remembered afterwards the many times I bugged The One about showing me some respect by wrapping the gift and now that he did it (when I least expected it I may add), it meant nothing.  Seems I didn't know which fight to pick with him.  Why make a big deal for gift-wrapping when all that mattered was that he was kind enough to buy me what I asked for?

Seeing him was a highlight itself.  He gave me the biggest compliment ever when he told me: "You are Gold".  Apparently, he was impressed by how I managed my finances, how I helped out the needy, my family, still dressed lavishly, enjoyed life and traveled.  He also found out how exactly how much I made and was even more impressed at my money management ability.

He assumed my dress was bought on my last B town trip because it looked expensive.  He got shocked when he found out that I bought it from Marks'n'Spencers for 15 quid.  He is always impressed by my purchases and how I spend my money wisely on items of true value.  And he is fully aware that very few women that he knows manage their finances the way I do.   

I felt too cheap and shy to ask for the Gucci bag that I liked.  I don't know why I still have issues with asking him for gifts on special occasions.  Could it be my pride?  So I saved face and made up a lie about wanting earrings as a graduation gift.

He asked me where I planned to go afterward and I told him to go see M, Sara, and Neil.  I told him that Neil was a westerner and Sara was an Arab but that they were marrying for the sake of love.  He wasn't impressed of course but he should be used to it by now: that more and more Arab women are finding true love with different nationalities.  Then he made me call M and I was kinda terrified in case M blurted out something by mistake.  Phew I am so glad that she didn't.  

So he gave me a doubtful look and said: you're going to a shisha place dressed like that?  I looked at him and said something which I do not recall but he was soon to laugh off his question and answer back: I trust you.  He told me he trusted me and trusted that I wouldn't cheat.  So this was a great thing to hear.  If he still trusted that I won't flirt with other men then he surely still considered me a partner, his woman, a gf at the very least.  Phew, I was worried about this.   

I then met up with M at the shisha place which is becoming a regular hangout.  Once upon a time, I was very against women sitting at shishas but I seem to be warming up to the idea.  So I am changing.  Then how come a lot of the people I associate with haven't changed the least bit.

 

And he concluded by telling me not to take things too sensitively or personally and to look at the big picture.  This was also a piece of advice given to me by Agent 009.  Sight, I don't know.

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Which new handbag shall I go for?

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I got pestered by an older below average looking bloke driving a silver range rover.  His pick-up lines were way too cheesy and annoying for my tender posh ears, lol. What sane and stable 30-year-old flirts by saying: oh what a pretty skirt you're wearing, what nice eyes you have.  It was seriously too cheesy for my posh self to digest.  

So it turns out that cutie pie is truly cute but way too demanding of attention and sweet talk that it is kinda suffocating.  I kept hoping secretly that I never suffocated The One this way.  But I am aware that people come into our lives for a reason so perhaps I am meant to learn this kind of sweet talk from cutie pie. I mean sweet talk is one way to loosen up.

So on Day 93, Happiness came to me in the form of hope.

Till we meet again

Sedeso

PS: we are 7 days away from the finishing of this project and I think I can define happiness somehow.

Project Happiness: Day 92

Day 92 coincided with a Tuesday, which usually means shimmy shimmy.  So, I went to class and I finally washed my disgusting greasy hair.  Funny how washing my hair was a highlight of a rather empty, uneventful day.  I guess this is another one of my fears.  The fear of having a boring life empty of accomplishments regardless of how small or large they may be.

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Reminds me of the 80's clip Sikkat Sefar, huh!

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 91

Day 91 coincided with Monday the 20th of December 2010, just 10 days before the year ends.

I was very exhausted since I haven't been sleeping well at all.  This exhaustion shows on my face and makes my makeup look very cakey.  That's why I try to avoid piling on the makeup when I haven't slept well.

I went to Interior design class and drank a chino to wake up.  That was a big mistake because it made me not sleep well for another consecutive night.  Also I am too lazy to wash my greasy hair so I will do that tomorrow.  I do not get how some women look very kept and spectacular all the time.  Where do they get the energy from?

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I love organizing things but I am too lazy to do it. Makes no sense at all. 

Till we meet again
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 90

Day 90 coincided with Sunday the 19th of December, a normal day by all standards with the exception of a teeny weeny incident that may have a bigger and hidden meaning in my life, and maybe some consequences too. 

I passed by the mall since I had extra free time and couldn't think of anything useful to do.  I was sure that I had chores to finish up but I couldn't remember any.  This is how my mind works: sometimes it goes blank due to the over-thinking and over-processing of information.

So, I bought stuff like cosmetics from Boots, only to find something I have been searching for since 2002.  It's a rubbery black brush that I bought from London Boots back then and which I still use every single day.  No brush has ever felt more comfortable in my hands.  It's funny how I never ever stopped searching for it or something close enough.  And after 8 years of wanting a simple brush, the universe put it in my path again.  

And for the rest of the day I kept thinking to myself: What kind of sign is this?   Is this similar to my matrimonial status?  That I will get the love marriage I have always wanted eventually?  Is this a sign for me to wait and be patient or could I simply be looking too much into it?

Anyhows, I sat with mom before going home to sleep.

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Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 89

Day 89 coincided with Saturday the 18th of December.  Ever since I started shimmy classes, my plans for Saturday have always been limited.  But I've stuck with it considering how I barely go to exercise at the gym. 

Anyways it was L's final day in the city so I met with her and M and a new friend at Mezzanine for a late lunch.  I got very emotional during the lunch opening up about the pressure mom puts on me just for matrimony.  I wonder if mom didn't pressure me this much, would I have been hitched by now.  I simply wonder. 

I then rushed to class and decided to reverse the visits where I visited the new baby of Lati afterward.  The baby was cute and I felt slightly envious that they were all married, settled with babies.  A womb that doesn't bear a child wilts away with time.  It both saddens and pains me that I haven't produced offspring yet.  They all dressed glam, with diamonds and precious stones and the most expensive of clothes, up hairdos.  They appear to have it all.  I wonder if they truly do.    

And on the male front, cutie pie seems okay for now.  He appears like a safe person.  Actually, he is a simple simple man. Perhaps too simple for my general liking but then again, he is in my life for a reason / lesson.

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Till we meet again,

Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 88

Day 88 coincided with a Friday.  I spent the morning lazily since I didn't want to exhaust myself for the wedding that I was planning to attend.  My engaged cousin called to ask if I was attending the wedding and I played dumb of course.  The real me wanted to tell her yes and offer her a ride if need be but knowing the scornful woman that madre has become, I acted in a way that defies my morals yet pleases her.  I realized that sometimes in life, we have to against our beliefs and act differently only to avoid drama and problems.  Of course she was very pleased with my cunning reaction.

And I was surprised because The One bbéd me that he came back about 4ish.  This made me very happy because it meant he still considered me a part of his life.  I asked about his certificate but it turns out there was no reply to the email we sent.  I loved him and wanted to please him, and make his life easier so I asked him to let me know if we had to call or not before the weekend started.  I love him with my all and that is why I called his university and double-checked the email.  Yes, it is true.  I do give too much to this man.  They say you shouldn't but try holding back when you are deeply and madly in love with someone. 

I got dressed slowly and took my time applying my make-up.  I believe I looked ravishing and I wore a dress that slimmed me down.  I attended this large and lavish wedding but I wasn't impressed at all.  I shall be mean and call it tacky.  But not that I do feel guilty about judging and calling it so. 

The kosha, the dresses, the bride, the food, the musicians, the bouquet, the bridal dress were overall very average and it appears that nobody was that impressed.  But I noticed how Sweetest N kept negatively commentating about it all, even more than us.  I was jealous, only a little jealous that the groom chose her above all and decide he wanted to spend his life with her.  Again, she was chosen by quite the catch.  And he sure was so much more good-looking.  

Seeing how happy the whole family was made me wonder what would be the case with my family when I get married.  (sad face)   

All in all, I had a great time with my friends and felt super duper pretty.  

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From the wedding

Now we know that dark velvety purple is a no-no for a wedding.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 87

Day 87 coincided with December 16th, less than 2 weeks away from the end of 2010.  It was a Thursday which is usually the weekend and the day I tend to be too exhausted to go out.  

So workwise, we finished moving office.  All the boxes were sorted and so were our personal belongings.  Things do not appear very bright.  I am hating the current new office with its open arrangements and lack of privacy whichever direction one sits in.  We are yet to have our phones connected and this is hard. 

After my Interior design class, I met the ladies for dinner and told them about Cutie Pie.  Both insisted that he was very cute although I deserve to be with someone more educated and that I should use him as a pass-time until I get and meet the right person. Sigh, if only they knew what agony was going on in their hearts.

Dinner was fine and I realized that most restaurant branches do not serve food that good.   

Now one negative incident  that truly disappointed me was my reaction when I loudly called that dude who went to my university: an ass!!!  I didn't like the way I reacted so hastily to the man's presence and it bugged me alot even when I went to sleep.  Although the ladies liked 2 hotties sitting on their table, I thought they were vile and insisted that they were asses, major asses if they were even associated with that dude.  I'm glad though that L was convinced he was an ass based on the way he was acting and behaving and talking very loudly just to get my attention.  Seems he realized very early on who I was and tried to grab my attention loudly.  What a loser.  But still, I am disappointed about how I dealt with this demon from the past.  Next time I will act calmly regardless of who I bump into.

I simply hope this doesn't mean that Ive gone 10 steps backwards in my therapy'and in my journey to becoming the ultimate person I was meant to be.

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Lovely tent for the desert:  I wish The One would one day take me to the desert.

Till we meet again,
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 86

Day 86 was a Wednesday.  The day I organized an outing to the old village with my ladies.  I knew prior that M will not be able to make it since it's Mu7arram. 

So I got lost and very late for the group meeting on my way to pick up L.  I already gave her a time slot and this pisses me off so much.  I hate it when people are too late to meet me, or if they were held up by silly stuff like blowdrying the hair and stuff.  I got so annoyed with her and I think she could tell.  So the least I could do was apologize for my bad mood which I did but there was still some electricity in the air. 

I met up with the ladies, we were a total of  9 girls and keeping them together and in toll was quite the tiring exercise.  But all in all, the girls had a great time.  They all got along really well and N got a chance to vent out her frustration from work.

As we were walking in the Eastern pavilion, my eyes caught those of a cutie pie.  I didn't smile, I just gazed intently for a few seconds and thought to myself: he has got a beautiful face, gorgeous.  And I don't know which of the laws of attraction worked for me at that moment because immediately he was everywhere I walked.  At first I didn't get that he was following me around, but when he nodded for me to follow him behind the wall I got it.  I told L who seems to have been paying attention and told me to go to him.  Of course not I thought because this was a very public place. 

But she cheered me on.  L walked with me.  She is the one who gave me the courage to talk to this man.  I was cringing the whole time and my face was flushed red.  But I took his number. I was so scared and kept thinking: shit someone may see me and think badly of me.  That is a shortcoming of mine.  I shouldn't care about what people think, since they probably all have skeletons hidden somewhere.  I remembered looking at his face very closely and thinking to myself:  he seems like  a normal guy. See, I am a judgemental person, I judge and compare so much.  Its okay though, maybe what I need is a breather, something and someone different.

So I called him and as it turns out he was a purebred, just my luck, hahahaha.  I've been dwelling and obsessing too much on purebreds that I may be lucky and actually end up with one.

Something is wrong with mi telephoning, coz I can make calls but nobody can contact me back.  Is this a sign from the universe that I should remain faithful to The One?  I don't get it.  Most of the time I don't understand why things happen the way they do.  

So on Day 86, Happiness came to me as an opportunity and showed me that life is full of choices and it is up to us to grasp them or let them pass us by.  Happiness also came to me in the form of an exciting social life.  I should be grateful for this lifestyle if nothing else.   

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Gorgeous earrings, nést ce pas?

Till we meet again
Sedeso

Project Happiness: Day 85

Day 85 coincided with Tuesday the 14th of December, 15 days before the year ends, and the project too. 

Day 85 was a busy busy busy day.  Packing took all my time and some of my health for I ended up with extreme backache on the lower left.  Myself and boss stayed in the office till 5pm packing and closing and labeling boxes.

As I was about to leave the office, The One called on his way to the airport.  Seems he needed something from the computer which I had already shut down.  He then neglected it and I insisted in a begging mode that I will switch on the laptop there is no problem with that.  I shouldn't have insisted this much but it's okay.  He said he was leaving on an official work visit to the GCC.

It wasn't until I went down to the parking and into my car and was about to leave to the house that he called me again asking me to log in to my Gmail and fill out the form for him. I went back up much to my boss's surprise, switched on my laptop, and filled out his parking form while he stayed with me on the line. He made a lot of small talks, maybe because he was feeling awkward. I wasn't though, I was simply trying to keep the sex of the caller a mystery to my boss.  He asked me if I needed anything and my rhetorical answer was always no I'm fine. 

I don't understand why but I was so happy that he trusted me to do such a thing for him.  Maybe this is linked to Agent 009's lack of trust and my having to prove to myself that I am a trustworthy person.  Also, this action, to me meant that he had no one else in his life and even if there was then she was probably insignificant and he didn't rely on her and trust her as much as he did with me.  Yaay me.

And because I was so exhausted when I reached home, I skipped shimmy shimmy and decided to take an hour-long nap to energize myself.

At 9pm, I met with the group at Maxine's again, and off to the beach we went.  I drove in Fati's car so as to keep her company. 

And from the little that I saw, I can conclude that Neil is quite the man and Sara is so lucky in love to have a man like him.  She is confident in their relationship seeing how easy he was getting along with the girls and she trusted him enough not to be annoyed when he hugged them all.

As we walked back on the beach, I felt something suddenly.  Looking at how he spoke about their future and which schools they were gonna take their kids to, then the way they hugged and walked together on the beach made me realize something: love is meant to be exactly like this, mutual and exclusive.  The man has to want the woman as much if not more.  This is the kind of love I should be aiming for.

Lord, with Neil/Sara on one side and with M's 3abdalla on another side, something in my standards changed.  I cannot quite put my finger on it but I felt it. I won't dwell too much on it because it'll probably show up soon.

On day 85, happiness showed me what form love should take.  Either my all or nothing at all. 

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How to wear a white top in 17 ways:

Till we meet again,
Sedeso