Spinster, Spinster, Spinster. This word is sounding very real. It kept nagging at me throughout the celebration I had with my friends.
Not that many showed up, we were about 7 but it was a good day in general. Started off with a cute movie, which I can't remember the title of, then there was painting ceramics at the cafe, started with the chai, got stuck in the parade, got to the beach, had a wonderful chitchat, poured out the depression to my friends who both gave me hope and reasonable advice. Reached home very very late and slept. I need to catch up on my sleep.
It was a great day but a deep sadness kept lurking and reminding me of mama's words. What a horror. I was contemplating many drastic responses like cutting off my mother for good or not talking to her for a long time. But somehow, every time I consider not talking to her I realize she would punish me in many ways and anyways I cannot survive without her.
A bleak bleak future and happiness or a happily ever after future seem more like a dream than a possibility.
Remind me again what is the point of living?
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Sedeso
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