continuing......
He kept shouting and shouting very loudly. I've never heard him shout more than this time ever before. It's like neither one of us was really listening carefully to the other. We were simply getting things off our chests.
I said:
- I loved him.
- I want to marry him.
- I want to have his kids
- I cannot imagine being with someone else, being touched by some else, having kids with someone else
- I turned down 4 men in the past year and half
- The reason I would explode every month is because I wanted him so much
He said:
- He does not want to get married
- That I wasn't listening to him, he loves me but doesn't want marriage
- That he is sick of my treatment
- That I am disrespectful
- That I have changed a lot since he first knew me
- That I compare a lot especially between him and Agent 009
- That my belief in destiny is very weak
So much was said in both directions. He didn't call back. So when I called at night reminding him that he was supposed to call back and check on me, he said he was on the verge of doing so. I don't believe him but I let it pass. Suffering from a classic egotistical man syndrome, where they avoid the topic of marriage like the plague, he may become distant slightly and temporarily.
The future appears very uncertain at this stage.
Atleast now he knows exactly why I have occasional outbursts and why I am occasionally very bitter.
I need to see my therapist. She knows I will need my time so she booked me in for Monday, the day after tomorrow.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
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