I attended 2 weddings on the 18th day of this project. I usually 'plan' to attend weddings but always back out last minute mainly because I am too exhausted to dress up in a glamorous way especially if I've had a long day at work. I had more energy and enthusiasm when I was younger to look good. I used to put more effort into my looks and dress sense. Now I opt to dress in a simpler way because I am more comfortable in my own skin. I have re-discovered a beauty that was there but was earthed by the extra facade. True I never exaggerated my outfits or looks, so imagine how much more simple and elegant my attires are today.
Madre came out of surgery well but is still in extreme pain. I hope that I am able to always maintain my weight and health so as not to go through the whole painful process of surgical intervention. This means gaining very little weight (10kgs max) at any time.
So the first wedding I attended was glamorous in its simplicity and it was a marriage of different nationalities. I didn't get to see either the bride or groom but was aware that weddings do not have to be costly to be great. You know, I didn't envy the bride because I do not want her life, her man or her marriage. I just felt slightly down because she had a man who loved and wanted to be with her legally in front of the world. Someone who would proudly call her 'my wife'.
And in the second Kaabi wedding that I attended, my heart warmed when the groom kissed the bride on her forehead. He dedicated a poem to her. That is so sweet. The rest of the do such as the wedding, jewelry, dowry are unimportant when it comes to sincere emotions. Otherwise, nothing will be worth it.
Why is it that I do not like to reach a goal easily? Why do I thrive and get a kick from struggling to reach a goal? For example, I am aware of a few men who would love to çhoose me I have no doubt about it, but I cannot accept them so easily. I have to work for them and get them. I have to chase them and earn them. But most importantly, I need to change this perception that true love comes with struggle a la Alejandro and Anna Christina. Maybe it's the alpha female in me that needs to be tamed.
Now since nothing is perfect but God, and I am known for my moody outbursts, I had another sobfest at the expense of my very sick beau who is actually too sick of my dramatic downpours. I simply explained to him why I feel rejected that he did not attend my graduation and that I only wished for 2 people to share this happy day with me: Madre dearest and him. In the end, I calmed down a bit and was able to go to bed.
At the end of this eventful day, I doubt I am any closer to comprehending the true meaning of Happiness in a philosophical way. But what made me happy included a beau who would answer my phone calls regardless of how sick and busy he was and a man who kept up with my mood swings, drama, and rudeness.
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Sedeso
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