So I asked Carlito about happiness, about why most things did not make me happy.
You see, for as long as I can remember, I have only felt what I call "sheer blissful happiness I was flying and over the moon" twice in my life. The first was when I experienced my first taste of independence at the age of 16 and the second time was when Agent 009 texted me: If I had to choose all over again, I will choose you. During both those times, I wished for the universe to pause for a little so that I can take in the sheer bliss that I was experiencing. During both times, I was trying so hard to memorize the feelings, incase I never got another moment, I will always have those 2 memories.
In reality, there must have been a dozen or more happy moments but its is those 2 that remain the most memorable.
Carlito's answer was: that I am no longer 16 or 25 and it will take alot more to make me happy, maybe even alot more than what this city has to offer.
But a lazy part of me does not wish to relocate right now. I am keeping my life empty and stable just incase The One suddenly decides to marry me. Just InCase. So I am consciously putting things on hold which everyone will tell me is totally wrong.
So I am back to shimmy and its good knowing there is some sort of structure to my life. A small part of me is so afraid of losing this flexibility and freedom once I get married but if therapy has taught me anything it is what we fear the most comes to us, so I better let things roll for themselves.
______________________________Selective Hairstyles:
Sedeso
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