On the 32nd day, mixed emotions surfaced.
I ended up staying a bit late with the boss, doing work but mainly chitchatting. I love lazing about at work and not doing much. Call me a lazy bum but I started hating too much stress. I prefer the occasional moderate doses of stress only.
I then went to Topshop and bumped into M so we shopped together. I taught her a few tricks about hitting the TopShop sales but while doing that, I felt a frown on my heart. I've been suffering from a heavy load on my chest and shoulders. It has also been combined with restlessness. Why has The One not proposed yet? God, I have realized the trend:
He doesn't propose ==> I get restless ==> I get frustrated ==> I start fighting over the smallest of all reasons ==> we fight ==> he gets angrier ==> I am even more frustrated for not getting what I want ==> he becomes very distant ==> I become helpless and clingy ==> I am about to explode because I cannot even tell him why I act the way I do ==> so we end up having the monthly fight just before I get my period.
But after the tears start pouring I calm down only to remind myself that there is a reason why God isn't giving me this ultimate wish yet.
I envy people like M, who accept themselves, their lives, their bodies with a smile and are always cheerful and uppety and happy, bouncing around and making the most of their lives. I wish to become a little bit more like M instead of my usually gloomy old self (sighs).
Next stop: passing by L's hotel to say hello. As soon as she saw my face she got shocked and asked me what's wrong? By now, I have mastered the: oh I am exhausted because of work, reply, which is complete bull since I have the easiest job in the world. What is wrong with me and my gloomy mood. I looked at L's imperfections and wondered why can't I be grateful for all that I have and content like her?
And towards the end of the day, I decided to freshen up and go over to Harriet's place, who has hit the jackpot with her marriage to that guy. Everybody I know is surprised how she ended up with this man. He's too good for her. But obviously, he was written in her destiny. But, forgive me God for what I am about to say because the way we see it, she does not deserve all that she has at all. And even though her lunatic of a mother cussed mi Madre a lot, I came back home grateful for who I am, for what I have, for my life, my family, my friends, and for realizing how lucky I am.
And before going to bed, I prayed a thankful prayer because regardless of what I lack in my life I still am blessed for too much.
So a mish-mash of emotions for this day. I simply wonder how my life will turn out.
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Not sure how I feel about flowers.
Sedeso
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