So, I lunched with Sweet N and was disappointed because I thought I'll endure the place for the gossip I'll be hearing which wasn't much btw.
And it was while we were discussing N's temper that I said something which would apply to me perfectly. I sent out a prayer for N to get hitched to the man she's been waiting for because we all assume that this would solve most of her problems. And when Sweet N agreed I told her this: God is not making it happen for a reason. If it were meant to be for her she would've been married by now.
And while saying this I thought: me too. There is a reason The One isn't proposing or hinting to anything more serious. Off the top of my head: I may be meant to end up with someone else; I may become miserable if I married The One; his family may make my life a living hell, perhaps one of us is still not ready and needs to mature .......etc. I don't know. I really do not know.
It is this not knowing that is frustrating me the most. It is this fear of not getting what I truly desire the most that keeps me on the brink of tears at all times. Lemme re-phrase this: I am not afraid of not getting it but I am afraid that God hasn't written it in my destiny, in اللوح المحفوظ . As this would mean I am not blessed.
This is why all I have are prayers, prayers at night, prayers before bed, prayers after food and prayers whilst driving, prayers all the time. Desperate prayers filled with tears streaming from an aching heart. I am the one who believes and waits for miracles and if it is not written in my destiny that I truly hope that with my prayers and those of all the people who care about me, one of them will be answered only to give me what my heart truly desires.
God won't you just hitch me for love already?
_____________________________Jewelry organizers: I want something like this.
Sedeso
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