I believe that reading the Holy book has a calming effect on one's turbulent soul, or so is what I see in myself. It helps and guides in finding some sort of inner peace. I hope to always continue this habit that I have developed.
But Alas, the demons in me only come alive at nightfall when all sorts of doubts, fears and suspicions come to me and ruin what should be a restful evening and good night's sleep. This pattern I have noticed and am so wanting to break a so I will try to tackle it in different ways.
I had another mild sobfest on the phone to my beau where I was trying to squeeze out the pain and tears and when he asked me: can't you ever be happy? Will you spend the rest of your life in tears?
Which made me question the source of my tears and how and why and when?
I slept very confused but calmed down because I heard my beau's voice and he replied that yes, he does still love me and want me. Hmm, maybe he truly does love me. Oh I don't know, I seem to always need something bigger and better and proof of his dedication and emotions. So I am unable to answer my question about happiness yet.
Sedeso
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