I got a reply sms back from 2701 and it said:
خير انشالله هذه الرؤيا بشارة لك بقرب زواجك او عقد قرانك وانك ترزقين بذلك اجتماع اهلك واحباؤك والله اعلم
So here it is, a sign from the universe to be a little more patient, no need for any fortunetellers or crying episodes.
So I will get married somehow. I have no clue who (although my heart is crying out The One's name); I have no clue when because soon may be a month, a day, or even a year; I have no clue how this small miracle will happen but it will. In the meantime, I will keep this from my mother. I feel I inherited her desperation and I should keep things from her.
And as I changed her bandages for her and kept bbming back, I told Sehru that my biggest fear wasn't death but not marrying. Leaving no legacy on this earth would be a life wasted. But more important than that, not marrying for love is devastating. They say we shouldn't dwell too much upon our fears so as not to turn them into reality. I am merely a human being and these fears will always be there. However, what I can do is acknowledge their existence and focus more and pray for what I truly want.
Worked my legs out in 2 consecutive classes of shimmy shimmy then had a healthy dinner at madre's place.
My beau is too busy that I seem to be used to not having him around anymore. Is this the end? Is this the answer to my constant desperate prayers? Am I meant to end up with someone else? A small, very small part of me keeps saying: There is a reason why it's not happening yet. HE knows best. And I must believe that HE will grant me whatever is right.
And a random thought came into my mind: It seems that I can survive and live my life without him.
I wonder what the future holds for me. I don't know, I really don't know and do not understand any of it.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
PS: As desperate as I may sometimes/always become, and as often as my restlessness and helplessness kicks in, I will keep at it and keep on praying until my ultimate dream becomes a reality.
خير انشالله
No comments:
Post a Comment