I thought I didn't need therapy but my worry about the 'poisonous words' remarks made me realize that perhaps I do need help after all before it becomes too late. I kept on searching for a holy verse that would tame my occasional civil tongue but all I found was:
اللهم حسن خولوقي كما حسنت خلقي
But this wasn't enough for me. So I texted my therapist and she booked me in the same day.
Here's what came out of my session:
- That the problem is within me and nothing to do with my man. That I need to work with myself because I will keep behaving the same way regardless of who the man is. I should be grateful that this one is patient enough to have lasted this long.
- That I should hope for the best but stop expecting things. That the 40-day prayer hasn't been answered yet because of my desperation and because I was expecting it. Don't expect it and it will come.
- The same applies to my graduation ceremony. That my beau didn't attend because I expected him not to.
- That he secretly knows I want to get married to him and that as long as I am this desperate then he won't. He wants to be the decision-maker and not me.
- That I should stop being afraid of things and accept them the same way I stopped being afraid of my lacking prayers and accepted therm, hence I stopped fearing death itself. I should stop being afraid of losing him and just accept things the way they are. Our fears can end up becoming realities so stop fearing the worst. Just let things be.
- That I haven't been sleeping well and felt on the verge of exploding because my mind was too occupied. My body is here, part of my mind is living the future, another bit is regretting the past and so I am in peace. I should be and live right here, right now. Hope for a beautiful future but not dwell on it too much. I must become more grounded in the present.
- That I am yet to accept myself fully. It is only when I love myself and accept it with all its flaws that I will accept my man fully and this will reciprocate. I must remember that the world around me reflects the inner me.
- That I should accept my rudeness, my civil tongue, my demons, and all the way I have come to accept my sensitivity.
- That there still remains a child within me that is longing to be taken care of and protected like a fairytale princess.
- That the Hussy S is very smart when it comes to dealing with men and she believed she deserved it all, that's why she got it.
- That an important lesson to be learned from jealousy was spelled out by the Hussy S. When a man tries to get you jealous by bringing up other girls, ignore him. Because if he wanted to be with them he would go to them but the fact that he is with me should be the biggest indicator of how much he wants me. So I mustn't state the obvious and ask him rudely to go to them. Just be secretly happy that he cares enough to want to make me jealous.
- That I shouldn't try to fill up my life purposely as a means of filling the void. I should simply pursue my passions because I want to.
- That there is no harm in dreaming of furnishing my home instead of my mother's or even 'our' future room together as opposed to 'his room.
- That even though I feel that I've gone 10 steps back with my therapy, I have actually progressed a lot more than I am realizing. The right challenges will come at the time that I am ready to face them.
That's all I remember from my therapy. Anyways, when I left the clinic, I found that he accepted me back on bbm.
I won't wonder this time about the future. I will simply hope for the best and leave it at that.
___________________________________
Selective Bedrooms:
Whether the walls are carved or just wall-papered, it's beautiful, only for confined small spaces. The touches will be lost within big bedrooms. The bed frame isn't all that but goes beautifully with the walls, any other shape would have affected the symmetry.
Earthy floors, nude and navy sheets, white rooms, all go very well together. Again nice modern Chandelier and white rooms require alot of big windows to allow the sunlight in.
Romantic Room very Banoota-like. Pastel tones can be relaxing. Nice headboard and treasure chair in front of the bed. Vintage furniture styles should always be pastelly, white, or mirrored. Not for couples, only for young ladies.
Beautiful Bed but the coral walls are too much for a bedroom. They may invoke feelings as opposed to calming one down.
Very interesting room. The plum chair adds luxury, the green antique tables too. Who would've thought you can add beige to the room and it'd still turn out okay. However, I am not too sure about the lined curtains and with certain colors, if the wallpaper is too patterned then the floors must be bare.
Till we meet again,
Sedeso
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